Mar 27 2011

Chopping my fucking finger off!

Published by at 11:46 pm under Jerks,Why?!?

bloody finger

Awesome!

So anyway, I’m cutting this piece of paper on Friday with an X-acto knife when all of a sudden I see the side of my finger sitting there on the table? I looked at it and thought “Why aren’t you on my hand anymore?” The arrogant piece of finger just stared back at me like “What are you gonna do about it?”

Touché finger piece, you win this one.

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33 comments so far

33 comments to “Chopping my fucking finger off!”

  1. LG Chickon 27 Mar 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Yikes, Listy!
    By the way, it’s close to an orgasm to see your post.
    I sliced my finger in a meat slicer once, and didn’t feel it for a second. I saw blood spattered on the wall behind the slicer, and thought, “What the…” and then the pain came. I refused to get stitches in it, though. I am very afraid of needles.
    How many stitches did you get?

  2. Jim Joneson 28 Mar 2011 at 6:30 am

    Been there, done that shit! Sliced my thumb off with a box cutter fifteen years ago and still have a scar from that shit. All I wanted was a band-aid but the girl in the office said, “you need more than a band-aid honey!” I guess the trail of blood was a dead give-away!

  3. saraon 28 Mar 2011 at 7:39 am

    Cool! Your like James Franco.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 28 Mar 2011 at 7:49 am

    No stitches because there was nothing to sew. It was just a bloody void where my finger tip/side once resided.

    Yes, I am very cool.

    I still have the shriveled finger piece, anyone want it?

  5. Hughon 28 Mar 2011 at 9:49 am

    Friday must have been Finger Injury Day. I was using scissors to cut through some thick twine. Holding the twine taut with my right hand, scissors in my left I made a strong, quick cut that not only went through the twine but also the top of my right middle finger. ‘Egads!’ I exclaimed as the blood began pouring out of the quarter-inch slice. Nothing as drastic as your injury, though, Listy– that looks particularly harrowing and I probably would’ve fainted were it me– but weird coincidence, don’t you think?

  6. LG Chickon 28 Mar 2011 at 10:04 am

    Fingers bleed like there’s no tomorrow. I, too, have a circular half moon scar on my right thumb. I’ve never been fingerprinted, but that’s one of the first things I thought – I’ve changed my fingerprint forever.
    I’m thinking that finger piece is auction material?

  7. saraon 28 Mar 2011 at 10:17 am

    sell it on Etsy people sell all sorts of dumb shit there

  8. Saraon 28 Mar 2011 at 3:07 pm

    yes, she’s right. like an orgasm. Listy takin on the bad boy look

  9. Lawrenceon 28 Mar 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Another reason why I’m trying so hard to get light saber legislation passed in Congress. Imagine how clean that cut would be if it was cauterize as it was cut.

  10. Jonathanon 28 Mar 2011 at 8:13 pm

    This isn’t going to make you feel any better: http://realestate.yahoo.com/promo/bachelor-builds-slide-between-his-nyc-apartments.html

    Some cocksucker with way too much money built a fucking Chuck E. Cheese slide into his NYC apartment. I hope he gets stuck in it and starves to death.

  11. Mary Kitt-Neelon 28 Mar 2011 at 8:58 pm

    So they didn’t try to reattach the severed bit? Wow, maybe you should save it in a jar of preservative or something. That’s gotta be pretty badass.

  12. Stephon 28 Mar 2011 at 10:10 pm

    So, I’ve always been told that the middle finger is indicative of said man’s penis. If that is the case, you’ve got a really good looking cock.

  13. You Just Made My List!on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Jonathan – I could never be rich enough to want a slide in my home. I mean, when I was 12 I fantasized about it but I found the strength to move past it. What a dick.

    Mary – Maybe I should have a contest to win the chunk.

    Steph – My penis is amazing. It really should be used in textbooks as the perfect illustration of a penis. Especially in the boner phase. True story… it is not uncommon for a beautiful golden ray of light to emanate from my girlfriend’s vagina during intercourse. It’s the reason I always wear sunglasses during love making.

  14. You Just Made My List!on 28 Mar 2011 at 10:41 pm

    Also… I will be writing more regularly again but honestly, until I get this giant bandage off, it’s too hard to type.

  15. Stephon 28 Mar 2011 at 11:06 pm

    I’m glad to see that you’ve gotten off your lazy ass and decided to write again. I’ve missed you. Anyway, I’ve only seen a couple of really pretty cocks in my 40 years of existance. When I do get to see a pretty penis (plural, by the way, is penes…can you believe that shit?) I often take artistic pictures of good cock, and post them on my “Beautiful Penes” website. Let me know if you’re interested in posing for me. Oh, by the way, maybe your girlfriend could harness all of that vaginal/cock ray of light energy stuff, and turn it into kinetic energy and power a hybrid car. That would be so fucking green.

  16. LG Chickon 29 Mar 2011 at 1:50 am

    Just hunt and peck, Listy!
    You have been sharing your awesomeness with the world online for over 2 1/2 years, and we have become addicted
    to your infinite wisdom, and I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say we don’t want to be weaned off! But we understand if you can’t post every day. Just use that talented middle finger of yours!

  17. SanFranon 29 Mar 2011 at 10:25 am

    My right thumb is 1cm shorter than the left. When I was six, my mom asked me to go tell my 3 1/2 year older sister that dinner was ready. I head upstairs, her door is about 1/3 of the way open, and I peek around the corner to tell her. What did I see? Well, my 9 1/2 year old sister was getting FUCKED BY THE DOG!

    Just kidding.

    She I guess was getting dressed or something (like I cared) and she kicked the solid maple door shut. The entire tip of my thumb, nail and all, lie there in the yellow shag carpet of my sister’s room, and I was on my way to the hospital. They opted not to sew it back on because that would involve a lengthy trip by ambulance to Boston, and there was no guarantee it would even work given the timeframe. So, the surgeon stretched/grafted it back together, and somehow, the fingernail grew back, despite being cut off below the lunula. Also surprising, is I have full sensation in it. Does this make me part salamander?

  18. LG Chickon 29 Mar 2011 at 11:06 am

    The tip of my thumb that went through the meat slicer was numb for a few years, but I got all the feeling back as well. It just took a long time. Right along the scar, though, is a slightly different sensation than the rest of my thumb pad. Unexplainable.
    San Fran, that story was beginning to gross me out – yeeesh! This early in the morning! I take it you and your older sister are not close…

  19. You Just Made My List!on 29 Mar 2011 at 3:25 pm

    SanFran – Wait, you tried to break up sex between your sister and the dog? No wonder he bit your finger off. Sorry, I only skimmed your comment.

  20. SanFranon 30 Mar 2011 at 8:48 pm

    LG Chick, I’d give you a ‘thumbs up’, but it just won’t mean very much I’m afraid. Actually, sis and I are very close, always have been. To forgive is divine, I guess some folks say?

    Listy: You know what I like about you?

    Nothing.

  21. LG Chickon 30 Mar 2011 at 11:39 pm

    San Fran –
    I’m having dinner with a friend in your friendly town tomorrow night. We’re just trying to decide where to go. I think Max’s.

  22. Juleson 31 Mar 2011 at 12:32 am

    How very “127 hours” of you.

  23. LG Chickon 31 Mar 2011 at 1:50 am

    Listy, are you left or right handed?

  24. You Just Made My List!on 31 Mar 2011 at 7:43 am

    I am right handed BUT the problem is I can’t play guitar until this finger heals. I can’t stress enough how hard that is for me. I play guitar for at least an hour every day, so this is killing me!

  25. calebon 31 Mar 2011 at 9:39 am

    this has been truly one of the strangest and grossest and funniest comment threads i’ve ever read on this site.

  26. SanFranon 31 Mar 2011 at 11:40 am

    LG Chick: Why would you go to a franchise when there are like 500 other places that’ll rock your world?

    What kinda food are you looking to have?

    Listy: I feel your pain – I used to build legos for at least an hour a day when my thumb was lopped off. That really fucked me up.. FOR LIFE!

  27. LG Chickon 31 Mar 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Listy – as a true guitar player, you are right about playing it at least an hour every day. I play the piano, btw. You should still cradle that baby in your arms whilst listening to some of your favourite jams.
    San Fran – the venue has been moved to Stanford. She’s trying to save me commute time as I’m in Los Gatos. It’s her choice, and I think it might be the dreadful California Cafe. I much prefer PF Changs, but it’s not my choice. I love Foster City, eating on the water is fun, but I think she wants to shop at Stanford.

  28. LG Chickon 31 Mar 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Oh, and Listy, don’t listen to San Fran. You will not be fucked up for life. Remember what happened to Pat Martino, the guitarist who had the brain aneurysm, and retrained himself how to play by listening to his own music? That story makes me cry. In fact, he has a new album coming out, Live at Blues Alley, Undeniable this year.

  29. SanFranon 31 Mar 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Oh, and Listy, don’t listen to LG Chick. You will CONTINUE to be fucked up for life.

    LG Chick: Los Gatos, eh? That’s a mighty beautiful place you call home. I ride my bike up/down/over Skyline every few months. Please don’t run me over and fuck me up for life AGAIN. I obey traffic laws.

  30. LG Chickon 31 Mar 2011 at 11:57 pm

    San Fran –
    Just got back from dinner. We did end up going to California Cafe at Stanford Shopping Center. She had spent the whole day shopping, so I met her there. Yes, Los Gatos is a beautiful little town. I do love it. Obey the traffic laws whilst biking and we won’t have a problem. That is, unless you are on a fixie, then look out! I might just be gunning for you!
    Listy, if there is anything you need me to do, like hold something, or whatever, just let me know…

  31. aka kevinnon 08 Apr 2011 at 1:45 am

    knife control listy its an exacto there suposed to have da best handling lawl

  32. Annaon 27 Jun 2011 at 9:40 pm

    You weren’t scrapbooking were you?

  33. You Just Made My List!on 27 Jun 2011 at 10:00 pm

    HA! God was punishing me for wasting my life cutting up family photos and putting stickers on them.