Sep 29 2008

Novelty souvenir drink glasses!

Published by at 3:00 am under I Don't Get It,Jerks

Maybe, MAYBE, if you are a girl under the age of 23 it’s forgivable for you to drink from one of these colorful dildos but come on guys, how could walking around like a toddler drinking out of a supersoaker possibly attract the opposite sex?

Call me crazy but I like to drink my beer out of a bottle not through a straw from a football. Gentlemen, please take a moment to think about some famous manly men. Now, try to imagine these men – Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, John Wayne, Sean Connery, the Marlboro Man – enjoying a fluorescent drink from a plastic Seattle Space Needle. Sinatra famously wouldn’t even sit down while wearing a tuxedo in an effort to keep his pants looking good and all I’m asking from you is to put your little toy down and drink like an adult. And while you’re at it, stop sweating so much. Why are you always sweating?

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13 comments so far

13 comments to “Novelty souvenir drink glasses!”

  1. NoBlueEyeson 29 Sep 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Okay… listen, the sentiment is appreciated, buuuut: Sinatra was a fucking douche. Seriously. Every guy who rags on the orange people that they see on HCwDB these days tends to idolize the fucking rat pack. Not cool. Sinatra, Martin, etc., were womanizing drunks. They were racists and bigots and strutted around like they were the shit. They were the douchebags of their era. It’s easy to look at these guys and think: “those dudes were classy, so I should try to be like them”. Well, that class was just the style at the time, and, Sinatra being like you said (not sitting down for fear of creasing his tux slacks), was just a “baller” of yesteryear. He dressed to impress, not because he was truly cool, but because he tried too hard to be cool. He blew cash, fucked waitresses like they were prostitutes and looked down on anyone who didn’t fit the profile. Next time, if you’re trying to make a point, try not to include any of those assholes: glorification of men like that misses the point entirely.

  2. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 1:45 pm

    NoBlueEyes, I get what you are saying and fully understand that men like Sinatra were heavily flawed, I am simply using them as a cartoonish example of “men.” And while I agree with you about their flaws I still think there is something to be said for giving a shit about how you present yourself.

    We have lost a sense of style in this country that goes far beyond novelty glasses and sweatpants. We have become a generic nation of strip malls and chain restaurants. We are losing our identity and creativity to an system that solely rewards quick and cheap.

    Feel free to add other “cool” guys to the list, these were just the few men I could think of off the top of my head.

  3. LLGon 29 Sep 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Epitome of cool guy? CarrotTop… hello?!?!?!?

    By the by, regardless of his flaws, the one reason you can hold Sinatra up from the circus of douchieness surrounding us in the present day is his singing. He could f*ck me like a prostitute, steal my grandmother’s whiskey, and snort a line of coke off a baby’s ass -a all without wrinkling his suit. And he’d just have to croon a swanky tune and I’d be begging him to do it again.

    The Orangeallos can’t do that. The only thing lasting about them is their handprints.

  4. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 3:06 pm

    LLG, good point, talent can make up for douchiness. Jersey Umpa Lumpas only have a talent for being creepy and making me cry. I guess my point was I would rather be surrounded by stylish douchebags in nice tuxedos drinking cocktails rather than mulleted dipshits in denim shorts sucking on TGI Fridays pina colada mix in a plastic palm tree.

  5. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 3:08 pm

    …and yes, Carrot top is possibly the coolest man alive. Pure class and style all the way! (and talented!)

  6. Munchieson 29 Sep 2008 at 6:15 pm

    Ugh I saw a TON of these at the Gorge this summer, and the drinks that went in them were like $12!

    I’ve never seen a Space Needle shaped one, where does one purchase them? I’d like to send you one as a gift, for brightening my day with your fantastic list.

  7. MalaSuerteon 29 Sep 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Soo, from the comments… You’re not labled a douchebag if you have a talent, despite your behavior….

    that still leaves Carrot Top a Certified DoucheBag. Sorry.

  8. MalaSuerteon 29 Sep 2008 at 6:21 pm

    Oh yeah… I’m from Reno, NV. The casinos at home have been selling those things for at least a decade. You have to pay $2 for every shot of alcohol the bartender will put in.

    So sadly, most guys schlepping those things around either a) paid about 40 bucks to get drunk or b) –and this one’s more often the truth– have less alcohol in their neon baby bottle than you can find in mormon beer.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 6:30 pm

    MalaSuerte, It is not an absolute rule BUT as talent increases the douche level USUALLY decreases. It just have to. A big part of being a douchebag is not adding any value to society so if you are able to offer something to the world your douche meter is going to go down. Perfect example… Luciano Pavarotti was a HUGE prick but it is hard to simply call him a douchebag because of his immense talent. Another example would be Ryan Seacrest who I considered to be 100% douchebag until he was kind of funny in “Knocked Up” which took him down to 96%.

    It’s science.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 6:33 pm

    The other thing I forgot to mention in the original post that takes this whole thing to the next level is when these turds actually pack up their stupid little bottle and take them home to be prominently displayed. They will be lovingly placed in the living room on an over-sized stereo speaker where it will collect dust for the next 20 years. Classy.

  11. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 6:36 pm

    Munchies, if you find me a Space Needle glass I promise to get drunk with it every day!

  12. MalaSuerteon 29 Sep 2008 at 10:42 pm

    So your talent decreases your Douche factor… I think this sounds more like economics than science…
    Typically your talent/social contribution (potential profit) will offset your DoucheBag behavior (risk). Seems like a supply and demand scenario, but there are other factors that affect the market here. Like, oh… I dunno… speculation?
    The number of people who think you are or could be a Douche can have an effect on your social contribution. As Douche Speculation increases, the actual D-Bag rating will increase, despite lack of actual douchey productivity…. and of course, lack of evidence of ‘bag behavior will make the speculation decrease, causing everyone to think you are a Good Guy.

    Oh, if only the DoucheBag market would collapse….

  13. You Just Made My List!on 29 Sep 2008 at 10:58 pm

    And we can’t forget the global impact on one’s D-baggery. The international market influences domestic douche levels like never before (i.e. Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and/or David Hasselhoff)