Jun 01 2011

Well…

Listy is riding off into the sunset

Goodbye, turds.

No, you are not turds. Well, some of you are. Wait, when I really think about it, I have dealt with an incredible amount of turds and turd-related activities on this website. To be honest though, it was those turds who got me out of bed each morning. I LOVE all the hate mail that continues to pour in every day, it truly does make my day. I salute you, turds!

But where does that leave you, the non-turd? Well, I love you even more. Yes, even I have the ability to love.

If I may be human for one brief moment, I really have loved hearing from all of you over the last few years but the reality is that I simply do not have the time or energy to continue writing. You may not be able to tell from my past writing, but I actually really put effort into this site and I don’t want to continue unless I feel I can give it my best effort.

“Fuck you Listy, how hard can it be to rant about Guy Fieri?!?”

What did you just say to me? Do you have any idea how much vomit I choked down over the past 3 years while writing about powerful enemies like Guy Fieri, Miracle Whip and corn? Holy shit, I just realized something, if Guy Fieri has a recipe that involves slathering corn on the cob with Miracle Whip I might have to kill myself.

Back to the point… Dedicating 5 nights a week to my genius opinions was taxing but I did it for you, the little people. And WOW, was I good at it! Not to mention, all the hilarious writing I did (and continue to do) in the comments. I really am great, just like you guys always tell me. I’m high-fiving myself. Now I’m taking off my shirt and karate kicking the air while singing a Kid Rock song. I don’t know if it’s a real Kid Rock song but when I sing about America, tits and eagles I just assume it’s probably one of his songs.

So, as much as I hate to say it, I think it’s time for me to close up shop. It feels weird to make it official but all moderately good things must eventually fizzle and die a slow, forgetful death. Like Aerosmith.

I’m trying to find just the right words to sign off with. Something sincere, poignant and heartfelt. Perhaps I will simply say this…

Everything is the worst.

Goodbye.

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167 comments so far

167 comments to “Well…”

  1. Fuckeron 25 Dec 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Merry Christmas Listy!

  2. You Just Made My List!on 25 Dec 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Awwwww Fucker, thanks and same to you.

  3. MARK "TRUTH-SEEKER"on 26 Dec 2012 at 2:30 pm

    NO —– DON’T GO !! YOU MIGHT-BE ON THE VERGE OF SOME-THING BIG: IE, WAY-BIG-ER-THAN EVEN ***YOU*** CAN IMAGINE !!
    BECAUSE I, PERSONAL-LY, JUST-NOW [TODAY] ***DISCOVER’D*** YOU !!
    AND THERE MIGHT-BE A DOZEN, OR A HUNDRED, OR A THOUSAND GUYs-LIKE-ME, WHO JUST-NOW DISCOVER’D YR WEB-SITE …
    IF U QUIT NOW, U MIGHT-BE MISS-ING YR CHANCE AT “THE BIG-TIME” !!

    SINCERE-LY, MARK “TRUTH-SEEKER”

  4. You Just Made My List!on 26 Dec 2012 at 2:32 pm

    How did I win you over so quickly? Just a few minutes ago you were telling me how much I suck.

  5. Jonathanon 15 Apr 2013 at 1:01 pm

    Please come back. We still need you! There is so much shit out there that you need to take down. “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” that morning show where Kathie Lee Gifford gets drunk on the air, “legitimate rape,” Instagram, North Korea, hipsters, and on and on!

  6. You Just Made My List!on 17 Apr 2013 at 1:06 am

    Believe me, I have my days when I feel like writing but only when the outside world invades my little island. I do everything I can to avoid popular “culture” now and it has made me a much happier person. I say this at the risk of ruining the Listy legacy but if I start paying attention to Guy Fieri again I might as well cover myself in chum and take a dip in the ocean. Getting rid of cable TV may have sabed my life! In the meantime, my boring happiness is ruining yours. I just made your list.

  7. Vinceon 09 May 2013 at 11:47 pm

    Fuck sakes, I just found this site yesterday after Googling ‘Alton Brown is a fucking douchebag’, and found you’ve closed up shop 2 years ago.

    I spent my last two nights going through YJMML with a fine tooth comb, and all I can say is thank you. Haven’t had the desire to keep reading and reading and reading in a long time.

    Hope you decide to get back at it one day.

    Good day, sir.

  8. You Just Made My List!on 10 May 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Vince, you blew it. I’m awesome, you should have been here a few years ago.

  9. Jonathanon 12 Jun 2013 at 9:30 am

    Dude, you could never make my list. Not only are you too awesome, but it’s already jam-fucking-packed.

    I wish I could tune out and never have to hear the words “Kardashian,” “Snooki,” or “Dancing with the Stars” again, but the awful shit this country is producing is just pervasive and unavoidable, like fecal particles in a Jersey Turnpike men’s room.

    I really don’t spend that much time and energy on rage, but these things annoy me a little bit here and a little bit there, and that builds up. Man, I really have better things to do.

    That said, Gwyneth Paltrow is a toolbag ass-faced cunt and I hate her fucking guts.

  10. You Just Made My List!on 12 Jun 2013 at 2:06 pm

    The only way to solve your problem is do what I did… move to Hawaii and stop watching TV.

  11. joeon 06 Dec 2013 at 1:31 am

    i finally dug my way out with a spoon. feds got me on some bull shit charges. found some kids away from their parents on halloween, scooped em up and fucked em.

    in other news, just got off the boat listy 🙂

  12. thealefamily25on 26 Dec 2013 at 9:40 am

    AHHHHH LISTY NOOOOOOOO!! II cracks open beer and pours on face II
    You could also head over to my blog if you want some hate and negativity (www.hatethisandthat.wordpress.com) you inspired me to create it..You truly are an inspiration to all. Though it’ll never be as successful as yours.
    You are the man.

  13. McFartyon 24 Jan 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Miss the updates even still farrrrrttttt

  14. Joshwahon 28 Jan 2014 at 5:12 pm

    I havent been on here in a few years, I caught this website in time for a total of two posts from you before you stopped. Miss this site like hell but I’m glad you’re happy man, Maybe make a new website where you praise things you like? lol

  15. You Just Made My List!on 28 Jan 2014 at 8:23 pm

    I really am great.

  16. OPisPhagon 24 May 2014 at 3:59 am

    Dear Sgt. Fuckface,

    I’m really glad this horrible, horrible website is dead. Everybody who visited this site should be joining in on a class-action lawsuit because their IQs each dropped by twenty points. Hopefully you realize the pain and suffering you’ve brought upon this world and will promptly sterilize yourself. Also, you single-handedly reversed thirty years of scientific progress. Props to you. The next time you think doing something is a good idea, you should stop and ask yourself “is this a smart thing to do?” and then start hitting yourself in the face with a hammer.

    Sincerely,
    North America

  17. You Just Made My List!on 24 May 2014 at 4:03 am

    Awwwwww, did someone make fun of the Bosstones and ruin your night? You’ll get over it as soon as you lose your virginity.

    YOLO,
    Captain Fuckface