Jun 01 2011
Well…
Goodbye, turds.
No, you are not turds. Well, some of you are. Wait, when I really think about it, I have dealt with an incredible amount of turds and turd-related activities on this website. To be honest though, it was those turds who got me out of bed each morning. I LOVE all the hate mail that continues to pour in every day, it truly does make my day. I salute you, turds!
But where does that leave you, the non-turd? Well, I love you even more. Yes, even I have the ability to love.
If I may be human for one brief moment, I really have loved hearing from all of you over the last few years but the reality is that I simply do not have the time or energy to continue writing. You may not be able to tell from my past writing, but I actually really put effort into this site and I don’t want to continue unless I feel I can give it my best effort.
“Fuck you Listy, how hard can it be to rant about Guy Fieri?!?”
What did you just say to me? Do you have any idea how much vomit I choked down over the past 3 years while writing about powerful enemies like Guy Fieri, Miracle Whip and corn? Holy shit, I just realized something, if Guy Fieri has a recipe that involves slathering corn on the cob with Miracle Whip I might have to kill myself.
Back to the point… Dedicating 5 nights a week to my genius opinions was taxing but I did it for you, the little people. And WOW, was I good at it! Not to mention, all the hilarious writing I did (and continue to do) in the comments. I really am great, just like you guys always tell me. I’m high-fiving myself. Now I’m taking off my shirt and karate kicking the air while singing a Kid Rock song. I don’t know if it’s a real Kid Rock song but when I sing about America, tits and eagles I just assume it’s probably one of his songs.
So, as much as I hate to say it, I think it’s time for me to close up shop. It feels weird to make it official but all moderately good things must eventually fizzle and die a slow, forgetful death. Like Aerosmith.
I’m trying to find just the right words to sign off with. Something sincere, poignant and heartfelt. Perhaps I will simply say this…
Everything is the worst.
Goodbye.
I’m going to miss you Listy….it’s too bad this is the last. You are always hilarious and entertaining. Hopefully someday you have the time to pop out a special or two, but real life always comes first. Good luck in the future!
Thanks John. I appreciate it.
Thanks for everything, Listy! I wish I’d found this place sooner. You’ve helped me get through a ton of shit thats happened these few months. Your posts honestly made me feel better, and I honestly cannot thank you enough for that.
Yuck, that was cheesy.
later sucker!
you will be back
Listy, Since I haven’t written anything of substance on my blog for almost a year, I certainly can’t complain, but you will be missed. Best of luck in your new life & take care…….
Ucky,
You’ve really accomplished something great here. You should be very proud. Don’t be too sad! Thanks to Google and your SEO skills, your opinions will continue to inspire the awesome, make turds more turdy and make women all over the world fall in love with you.
You are awesome. Thanks for making my day a million times over.
Fart
thanks for everything, asshole. <3
The rapture is real after all. Good luck listy!
Bob, speaking of me being back, I might have to check back in after we have all watched episode 3 of Chralene and Cindy’s “Social Toast.” Oh dear lord is it good. Such a beautiful train wreck! Andy Kaufman could only dream of torturing an audience this completely and brilliantly.
Epsidode 3 will air on Thursday, June 16 at 8pm ET
Until then, do yourself a favor and watch episode 2, where Charlene and Cindy discuss the Facebook “Like” button for 40 minutes. Genius! And what a success, they have 2 views on Youtube!
Enjoy…
Social Toast
Ahh Listy,
You will be missed. Not so much by me since I have my own life going on, how rude of you not to notice, but by some of these other losers. Good luck in Hawaii. Make a point to check out the Dole Pineapple Island if you haven’t already. I’m not one to stand up and cheer for a pineapple but you might be. We’ve had some good times together. I’ll never forget your angst. Just as I hope you’ll never forget my man boobs. xoxo
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
How will I pass the time at work without you?? How will I know what to hate??????
I almost cancelled my Costco membership because they put Guy Fieri’s fat face on their monthly magazine!!
Anyway, good night and good luck.
PS: Feel free to add me on Facebook or Friendster or whatever. Make sure you use Netscape Navigator on a Gateway computer to log on to Prodigy.
thanks for giving me the venue to waste time at work, I enjoyed it.
let me sing you out…
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/185658/a-song-for-turds
Awesome. I discovered this site about 3 months ago wile googling the name “Brian Kuh”. Brian Kuh is the name of the biggest ass kissing looser anyone has ever seen, featured in the movie “king of kong”. See the documentary if you have not. Listy had the best rant on this guy and the others featured in the documentary and the comments were hilarious. Ever since that day I get to work and check out this blog. Well, this is over now… So i got that going for me, which is nice..
Well… it’s been a good run Listy. Thanks for entertaining me on my lunch breaks from the trenches. I hope that after all is said and done you can finally sit down and write the official “Listy” book. Your humor has kept me coming back here time after time. There were days that I would be laughing so hard I would start crying and my co-workers would come and ask me what was wrong… it was you and I thank you for all the belly laughs and tears of joy. Peace xo
Well Listy, I am sorry that you won’t be entertaining us with your posts any more — you are going to be missed by me and thousands of your other minions.
I wish you much success and happiness in Hawaii, and want to comp you a stay at my B&B if you and the GF are ever in Pittsburgh (yeah, right, like you would have any reason to come here). I figure that’s the least I can do, as entertaining as this blog has been.
And I’ll miss my fellow commenters, too, the banter was fun, and no, I can’t all comp you a stay at my B&B. I have a fucking business to run.
XO Julie
Sad
Wow. I am at a loss for words. You really have done a tremendous job these last 3 years, Listy. I realize what work it takes to keep it up. I remember the very first post I read. I had just watched TMZ, and hopped on the internet to see if there was anything online about that tool, Max Hodges, and your blog came up. I was hooked in a matter of seconds! I love your snarky wit and hilarious self-love! You have truly entertained me for a really long while, and I am going to miss you something awful.
I loved reading the comments by everyone, my favorite people being Lawrence, Caleb, San Fran, Paul, Jonathan, and guilty noodles, not to mention many others. You all have been very fun to play in the sandbox with. It has been fun seeing you deal with assholes, and the Charlene saga was truly entertaining!
Please enjoy your new life in Hawaii, and we will be checking in from time to time to see if you’ve left any gems.
A toast: To Listy! Long life and much deserved Happiness!
The first ‘Hate Male’ entry I blundered upon was about the inexplicable appeal of the ‘American Chopper’ crew known as the Teutuls. I peed my pants, then I read the blog entry and knew I was bound to be a long time fan. You did not disappoint as a rowboat of reason fighting a tidal wave of populous pollution while pounding prose with profound precision into the pusillanimous pates of the pretentious. Well done, well done indeed.
The second and equally astonishing accomplishment lay within the cadre of cynically compelling commenters you’ve attracted. Yes, I found their antics to be value adding in the form of return visits to this motif; what other blog has this attribute?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gb0mxcpPOU
God damn it. I really liked you, Listy.
Like Greta Garbo leaving Hollywood at the pinnacle of her career, you and your blog shall remain untouched by time – because it was destroying you from the inside and you knew to to flee from its claws to maintain an image of perfection. Yes, perfection! May your future, like Garbo’s, be cloaked in mystery and madness.
Farewell fellow commenters . Your annoyance, disgust, and outright hatred will live on forever.
And may I also express best wishes from Joe, who I’m sure would issue a final (and perhaps urgent) death & mutilation threat on hearing this news, but the institution that he must be warehoused in could not possibly allow him interweb access.
Cheers for the laughs, never did google who that guy fella was and will continue to live in blissful ignorance
Diss –
Bravo in your last comment! It’s been a while since I heard that kind of awesomeness. I am going to miss it. Maybe Listy will miss it as well, and make a comeback. We can only hope.
I found this site from boredatwork(dot)com back in ’08. It was quickly added to my “daily checks” site list.
I think what you’ve written so far is a complete testament of awesomeness. We should make a book out of this website. We can claim we found it buried in Guy Feiri’s back yard and then start a religion, based on the one true book, the final testament of our lord, the almighty Listy, who died in the lava and rose from the ashes of Mauna Loa and will come again, amen.
Man, that’d be a fucking awesome religion “THOU SHALL SIT DOWN TO PISS”
Later Listy. I will continue the periodic harassment of Charlene in your honor. Enjoy your future and take care.
I’m starting a new job next week where I won’t be able to fuck off and read your blog during “work,” so it is fitting I suppose. But seriously….not happy. This was quality and you have talent.
also, that social toast bullshit reminds me of the schwetty balls thing on SNL.
I waited all that time for that sorry-ass goodbye? You stuttering prick. You better be the freakin’ president of the US for your day job. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck to you and all the lost souls you have left to wonder the web.
Hope you get re-elected.
Thanks everyone! It makes it hard to quit when I hear so many nice things about how awesome I am. Man, I really am fucking awesome.
Anyway… I’m still writing almost daily in the comment sections of past posts (can you believe there are actually people who really hate me?) and I’ll keep checking back on this post as well.
Feel free to subscribe to the RSS feed… just in case.
Farewell Listy, you lazy fuck!!!!! ::kisses:: (no homo)
I’ll raise a pint (and a shot or 3) in your honor at the pub tonight.
To a hell of a mind! To Listy! To Life, Laughs, and Lunacy!
What other posts are you still commenting on? I LOVE nothing more than a good Listy vs. Random Moron standing up for Guy Fieri/Action Deodorant/fast texting/Prop 8
Dear Listy –
I stumbled upon your site looking for a bad picture of Joey Greco (aka COCKBLOCKER!) a couple years ago to play a prank on my brother. The moment I read your post I knew I had found the most awesome site EVER!! I laughed, I cried… & on many occasions soft drinks/cocktails came spewing out of my nose. It’s so rare to find a cool group of people who have the same sense of humor. Thanks for the laughs!! Miss you man!
Listy! What will I ever do without my daily dose of hatred and negativity? Next time someone famous does something monumentally irritating I will still check back, just in case.
I expect to hear great things about you in the future.. famous book deals, interviews on The Tonight Show.. I’ll know it’s you because you’ll give shout-outs and big thanks to all us commenters.
Right?
Ever since way back when, when we were little children, you’ve disappointed me in new, thought-provoking ways.
I actually in part blame the rising unemployment rate on you, Listy. Hear me out.
First, people discover YJMML.com and have a few guffaws in that sweet time between dinner and bed.
Next, maybe just a few days after first exposure, they start checking at work.
Soon, they are into the comments section, lurking at first and then becoming a contributor.
About five months or so into the relationship, productivity has really slid because of all the time spent on YJMML.com.
Around about the end of the next fiscal quarter, after the managers have completed their audits, and consulted the company internet logs, your faithful readers get sacked, but this is a good thing, because now there’s all sorts of time to spend at YJMML.com from the comforts of home, one hand on the mouse, the other buried in crotch, scratching… scratching… which turns to caressing, and eventually, orgasm.
OK, time to get cleaned up here.
Don’t get killed by a falling coconut…
Great, now what blog am I supposed to masturbate to?
Melissa, I’d suggest this site: http://www.galumpia.co.uk/pages/adult_2.htm
It’s brilliant – been on the web for many, many years now. (it’s not what you think upon entry to the site – totally safe to click through)
No digity, no doubt, he’s out.
Why must all good things come to an end? It’s been a blast Listy, thanks for all the awesome posts over the years. Now I’ll have to find something new to entertain me at lunchtimes!
You ARE awesome, Listy! Your comic genius will be missed. Thanks for the fun!!!
Epic, truly. YOU rule, Listy, and you always will. Thanks for making me see the humor in the god-forsaken, greed-mongering, ignorance-worshipping social clusterfuck called existence. You brought me joy in my darkest hour and made me believe that I could love again.
You’ll be back, Listy. They always come crawling back.
I’m sure everyone still has their black armbands on, mourning the loss of this blog. But – those scamps at the onion are pretty damn funny, too.
Here’s my favorite of the week, told from the point of view of Oprah:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-just-want-to-say-that-i-hated-every-moment-of-th,20683/
shit, i just found this site.
Duuuudddeeee….Australia mourns. We are dedicating a public holiday to you on Monday…they’ll tell you it’s for the Queen’s Birthday, but it’s only because you’re the Queen of France over here.
Your secret identity will remain a mystery, Gotham won’t be the same without you.
Haven’t commented in a while… this is what i come back to?
Honestly I had thought you’d been raptured when you promised to update but never did.
Wait, HAVE you been raptured, while the rest of us are left below? What’s heaven like?
If you see God, tell Him I didn’t want to be raptured anyway, and tell Him I called Him a Divine Douchebag.
The whole internet will mourn this loss.
I don’t know why but I feel on some level that Guy Fieri has won…I will miss you Listy!
If Guy Fieri has won, this world is not for me.
Listy, I’m inclined to agree with Em. I think you should continue writing until Guy Fieri goes off the air. You need to be the last one standing. It’s only fair. The world needs you, not Fieri’s douchebaggery.
FUUUCKKKKK.
Take care, Listy.
You were a real badass.
Guy Fieri wins NOTHING! He still has to see that butthole of a face every day staring back at him in the mirror.
Ok. You make a really good point…
Listy,
It sucks that you’re ending this wonderful blog,but I had a great time reading it every day. I always looked forward to seeing what made your list everyday whether I agreed with it or not. I wish you the best in future endeavors and have fun with whatever comes your way in life.
T.J.
Goodbyt Listy. (Get it?)
Goddammit – I leave for a while and this is what I find? This stinks.
I realize life for you is about to be all palm trees, pig roasts, surfing and poi, but c’mon man. What about us mainlanders?
You son of a bitch.
I will miss you more than my sweet innocence. Thank you for being so awesome.
So, are you the faceless drummer of Rush? Dammit Listy, you need to tell me who you are. I have loved your fucking site forever. Some of us deserve to know who the hell you are. I will miss you
Marry Me Listy…
Make Me The Happiest Woman Alive
I will feed you grapes & serve you wine
I will fan you until you fall asleep
I will massage your feet after a long day
I will call you “Master”
I will cook you fine meals & …
No I won’t – Get over it
But I will admit that I’ve never laughed harder at some of the stuff you’ve submitted… Your fowlness & sarcasm mixed with perhaps a hint of arrogance makes you the “Man of My Dreams” & someone I would love to come into contact with on a daily basis (maybe).
Incredibly curious about your age though…
Anyway, thanks for making my gut ache from laughter – You really are a charmer.
Enjoy your life – perhaps you’ll be back?
Guy aint got one……but Paula do…..
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/cheese-on-the-cob-recipe/index.html
Alright, so it’s technically mayo without the miracle. Sue me.
fk.. listy.. fk.. my life sucked n you were the only bright spot!!
but you had to take that away too..!!
u heartless heartless man…..
Enjoy Hawaii.. hope a tsunami kicks your ass.. every time you go surfing!!
So, Listy…how do you feel about that 22-year-old heiress buying the Spelling mansion for $150 million? I bet you’re happy for her, since she’s earned every penny of her money.
Listy,
I know who you are because I went to high school with you and all I can say is that I, and all the many people I have turned onto you, are very very sad to hear this news. I hate you. But only for shutting down this most awesome website. When I see you next in our fair hometown, I will kick you in the balls and then give you a hug.
Love, a friend of Sumka’s, and yours the one night you spoke to me at that party.
Jonathan – Plus, it makes perfect sense for one person to live in a house the size of the average high school. Have you seen photos of the interior of that nightmare? It looks like Liberace’s butthole. Not the dead version of his butthole, but the mid 70s version.
Liz – If want to kick me in the balls, you will have to get in line. It’s a long line, occupied mostly by Juggalos and 13-year-old fans of the Black Eyed Peas. I’m sure I was hilarious and interesting at that party. I can only imagine how exciting it must have been for you. You know how the members of Pink Floyd will never know the pleasure of listening to Dark Side of the Moon for the first time? I feel the same way about talking to me, I will never know how amazing it is to have a conversation with myself.
I’ll be home around Christmas and will look forward to the balling kicking and subsequent hugging.
Listy, I hope that you at least let the blog run, so we can continue to bitch and moan about you. Then you can drop in on us once in a while, and see if we’re playing nice. Shit, I hate that you are leaving…..
I am a newcomer to this website, and a newcomer to the online media in general, and I can only say that I’m glad to have viewed this particular blog as one of my first. The implicit projection of a sincere, thoughtful opinion behind all of the hilarious obscenities, thick arrogance, and dark humor in your blogging is entertaining just as it is informing, at least in the regard that it provides me a seemingly radical, yet clear perspective on so many media objects, such as Movies, TV shows, and public icons. You’ve given me a new view on so many American media items that I used to mindlessly admire, and you do so in such an entertaining fashion, keeping my attention drawn to the end of each of your short posts. Yeah, I’m probably taking this too far; I can’t help but get all emotional when things like these come to their end. I hope that in the near future, you’ll be able to apply your greatly superior opinion to something as equally helpful and entertaining to gullible retards like me.
LG – Don’t worry, I’m keeping the site up and anytime a comment is left I am notified, so I will still be active on here.
Bobreeda – Thanks. Finally someone has complimented me in a way that makes me sounds as important as I am.
Cool, Listy. Since you’re in HI now, instead of calling it bitch and moan, I will refer to it as bitch and moana…..
Heard this bullshit boring thing was over. Just had to check. Good riddance.
You “heard” it was over. Sure. For someone who hates me you sure did visit a lot. Just admit that you love me and give me a big sloppy kiss.
Listy, how are you liking Hawaii? Would you give us a two sentence update? I just wanna know how you are liking it, k?
LG – I’m actually still in the middle of the incredibly annoying task of selling everything I own prior to my move. I officially move at the end of August and I will be sure to check in.
Listy –
What’s for sale? Anything good? It would be my honor to have something previously owned by you. Think of the braggong rights I would have! Maybe something shrine-worthy. Dude, you could be making serious coin by letting us have first crack at your used crap!
I can hook you up with some Listy memorabilia.
Sweet, dude! What do ya got?
too bad i only found this today
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a twitter. you could just do short tweets so it wouldn’t take up that much time. and you wouldn’t have to commit to doing it daily. this can’t be over…. oh and i just wanted to give a shoutout to the regulars- ( LG, Diss, Lawrence, YoursTruley, ken, etc.) i know i’m forgetting some other great ones but i just wanted to say that you guys and your witty comments have made this blog even more awesome than it already was. listy, i will miss every perfectly crafted sentence that you post. please get a twitter
LOL, if you only knew how listy felt about Twitter……
I LOVE TWITTER!
Where will I go for my much needed dose of hatred? Oh well have a good time in Hawaii. Oh and fuck you corn!!!
Time’s getting shorter and shorter – coming closer and closer to you leaving. How’s the yard sale going?
LG – No kidding. I’m living in a house that is almost completely void of personal possessions and furniture. I looked for you email on facebook because I was going to send you some listy memorabilia but I could not find you on there. I leave in exactly 1 month!
Just a quick hello…
having a particularly horrible day at work which made me think of you ^_^
x
Amy – Do you mean horrible things make you think of me? My work here is done.
Listy,
Please post a link to your Ebay account so we can all bid on your memorabilia. I bet the money you’d raise would pay for your flight to Hawaii!
Your friend in hatred,
Jonathan
Yes, horrible things make me miss you. And sometimes when I see people do or say stupid, terrible things I think to myself “haha I bet Listy would love to hate that”.
I Recently discovered this site from searching who the fuck are the kardashians and i have to say your site is amazing. I have found almost everything that I have ranted about in the past right here on this website. So happy i am to find a community that hates all the same stupid pointless shit i do. Thank you for the feeling of “im not the only one”
Honestly dude, this is some bulls*it. I have never written a single comment on any website in my entire life. But you’ve lit the fire in my loins. How else am I supposed to procrastinate at work? The freakin’ Huffington Post only gets me so damn far. My colleague and I literally IM articles to-and-fro from List all damn day. You simply cannot leave. I’m from Chicago. If I see you in Bucktown, rocking bi-color plastic ray-bans, I’m going to give you a nut knocker the likes of which the world has never seen. Seriously, find the passion, take a holiday, get some damn acupuncture, I don’t give a ish. Just keep posting….have a nice day.
Sean – I share your love for me. I am superb.
Listy….JUST today stumbled ever-so-slightly and drunkenly upon your website and dude, moscato shot straight out my freakin nose after reading every single post & blog ya’ll posted. If you are really leavin for good, can I have dibs on your Rick Bayless shit?
listy…. come back. please?
So, tomorrow is September, the move must have happened by now. Hows the island life? I’ve been twice and have loved it!
Nikki – Aloha! I can say that now that I’ve lived here for 15 hours. I’m practically the mayor of Maui already.
Island life is definitely different from city life. It’s beautiful here and the pace of life is so perfectly slower. It will take some time to get used to life in Hawaii but I’m optimistic that will happen fast. Today is all about finding a more permanent place to live. Yesterday was all about my girlfriend and I staring at each other and saying “What the fuck did we do?”
Thanks for asking,
Listy
Damnit listy, why Maui, Maui sucks. Move to Kauai so I can hear your opinion on all the shit here in person!
No but seriously you’re my personal hero. And I don’t know where I’ll find something to replace this… maybe in the afterlife…
Wait, why does Maui suck? What have I done? Should I move back to Chicago? We thought about Kauai but we were worried about finding jobs.
By the way, hearing my opinions in person is fucking magical. It’s like having John Lennon personally write songs for you… on demand.
Wow. What can I say? I feel like Paula Deen after realizing someone just stole her last stick of butter. :-< You brought a lotta rich and tasty joy, Listy … gonna miss you.
~L~
Will the more chilled lifestyle make you less irate? Enjoy.
I’m sad to say I’m less irate BUT I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I no longer own a TV. I guess waking up in Hawaii every day helps a little too. I’m still totally awesome though.
I’m glad you like it there! Maui is definitely a beautiful place, much less chaotic than the big island. I heard living there is so expensive, though – no wonder you had to sell everything.
Yes and no. You just have to be smart about what you buy and use. The reason things seem expensive here is because jobs tend to pay much less. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s worth the effort for sure.
I can’t believe you’ve been there for over a month now! Did you find a good place to live? And are both of you employed now? I emailed you a list of some restaurants to check out. I hope things are going well. Did you get a TV yet? I’m just wondering if your “irate” quotient is building up again!
love you, Listy.
…
Ok, Listy, you’ve been there for almost 2 months. Can’t you find anything at all to bitch about? Give us something, dude. Seriously.
Oh, this is funny.
Really.
Finally you realized that this hellhole does no one any good.
And that certain people find you really, REALLY annoying.
And a tad… Oh, what’s the word… FUCKING EGOTISTICAL.
Good day,
BluntMuffin
I’m only egotistical because I FUCKING RULE your sorry ass.
Goddamnit Listy, us canadians are bored shitless in our igloos. I’m about to make my bet beaver fight a polar bear as there is nothing good on tv and you are gone. I am not looking forward to cleaning up the blood and fur. I Miss you Listy!
Listy, I’m sure I’m not the only person that comes by here occasionally and shudders when I see the same final post. Always hoping that maybe you’ll change your mind. There was a Bitch’n Kitchen marathon on yesterday and I thought of you pal. It was so damn terrible. We miss you!
Melissa – Believe me, with the current state of the world and “culture” it’s hard to fight the urge to write sometimes but for the state of my own sanity it’s better that I pretend the outside world no longer exists. Plus, it’s hard to be too pissed off for very long when you live in Hawaii.
I wondered why I was getting so many comments on my Bitch’n Kitchen post this week. Yeah, I still get hate mail almost daily.
Thanks for checking in.
mele kelikimaka my brotha
Interesting i find this website due to my hatred of a cookie swap ad on the cooking channel, only to find its creator has moved to maui.
I was looking foward to reading some rants on current events.
Its only a matter of time till your little hawiian hippie love fest will be over, and youll see hawaii for what it is, sad. Beautiful, but sad.
And poi sucks, idk who says otherwise. Its terrible.
Listy, the world needs you. There is so much stupid shit out there for you to bring down: Herman Cain, The Duggars’ 4838387th kid, Dancing with the Non-Stars, The X-Factor, Herman Cain…
PS: Wait, you get hate mail? How do people email you? I want to email you!! Yes, I’m needy.
Jonathan – I did my best to fix the world and rid it of Satan (Guy Fieri) but the evil forces were too great and the Kardashians just became more powerful. I had to move to an island in the middle of the ocean to get away from it all. By the way, it worked, I no longer give a shit about the rest of the world. I will let the culture-less wolves fight for scraps while the warm sun soaks into my tan skin. The end is near and I shall watch it drunk from the beach.
The hate mail comes in the form of comments on various posts. Comments with such original themes as “you live in your mom’s basement” and “you obviously have a miserable life.”
Seriously, please come back. I just came across your blog from a random google search and ended up reading all your posts. You are hilarious. You could just come back part-time for starters!
Thank you Bowel, or should I call you Mr. Movement. I am very great and probably the world’s best blogger. Maybe one day, we shall see…
My boyfriend grew up in Lahaina, Hawaii and I have heard a lot about it. I imagine going to live from a place like Chicago (especially with that weather) to Hawaii is a pretty strange transition. I’m glad to hear you like your new island home and I hope you’ve settled in well!
Lily – Thanks. You need to get that boyfriend to bring you here, you would love it!
If I can start writing again, so can you. Please come back. Just once a week. That’d be okay, huh?
Kathy – I hate to say it but I think Hawaii has ruined me, I’m too happy now to complain with the passion that a good rant deserves. I barely even watch TV anymore! What’s happening to me? What is this up-turned shape my mouth is making? Is this one of those “smiles” I’ve read about in medical books? I’m sorry, I have failed you.
baby come back to meeeeee!!!!!!
listy i miss you and your lulzy posts, and you know what people actually think guy fieri is cool, he got a new fucking tv show!!!!! fix it.
fuck you,
mike
Just found the site, so on board with the Lanie Bayless thing. I’ve been screaming it for years..
my single sister in law just moved to HI – she wanted to be a writer..you should connect.
Beep – I’m glad you wandered into my greatness. I like that you are offering up your sister-in-law to me, finally someone gives ME something! I am obviously not single (how could you keep this gift from women) but I’m curious what island she moved to.
Oahu, lives in a high rise in Honolulu…we are from NJ, so obviously she is miserable with the change in atmosphere. I’m sure she will be moving back here asap, or never, who can tell?
Listy –
I just dropped in and wow! There’s been some activity since last I checked. Your peeps still mjiss you and worship you. I guess you will just have to live with that.
Thanks for keeping all my secrets – you know what they are!
I think of you often…….
Wow. I just discovered this site the other night and fell in love immediately. Was laying in bed sick as shit and feeling like a horrible person for hating everyone on Facebook so much. Started googling stuff about hating facebook, annoying baby shots and well just hating stuff…wound up on your hillarious guys with pregnant woman…made my night!!! Thankyou! I think I have gone through this entire site by day 3 of being sick as shit in bed.
Do you write books? Is there anywhere else to find your writings? Hope so, hope so, reeeealy hope so! You are so hillarious. My husband and I hope to find more of your writings. I was kinda relieved when I went to your Twitter link…I might have had to join Twatter if you were on it…phewf.
Ha and as a Canadian…your Canada rant was pretty funny. Sorry about Nickleback.
Danny – Welcome to my awesomeness.
I remember that summer day, a few weeks before my freshman year of highschool. I had scrambled eggs that morning and thought “who could hate scrambled eggs?”
So, of course, I googled *i hate scrambled eggs* out of curiosity.
Then I found you.
Initially, I was offended, as I scrolled through the article, you compared scrambled eggs to soggy toilet paper…
But you grew on me, dammit!
I began to get familiarized with you and frequent commenters, like SanFran and pigdoor.
You share my deep hatred of pooping. You introduced me to the scariest crap on Earth (placenta art).
At one point, I was snort-laughing at four in the morning daily, and giving one-fingered salutes to the t.v. whenever Guy Fieri was on.
And now, when I need you most… Gah!!!
I love you Listy. I love you and hate everything.
Asshole.
Never has one let down so many.
I figured you would realize your role in life and get off your arse and write. But you have proven yourself to be a prick’s prick. You selfish prick. Get a life! Must you only think of yourself? I thought I would give you a few months into the new year. I am disappointed. You are making me sound like my father. Lazy prick. How busy can one guy be? You better be inventing something to save mankind over there.
Stop wasting our time. I might just stop checking back if this keeps up.
“Never has one let down so many.”
I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. I just checked back into this blog and am utterly appalled and disgusted to find this post.
I love you, -well… not in a gay way (unless you’re into that kind of thing) but you are light at the end of a long endless cathode ray tube delivering photogenic abominations like Ann Burrel, Guy Fieri, and the Neely’s. Particularly Guy Fieri. To us, this site is like the raunchiest of child porn in the depths of Guy Fieri’s closet, the oldest of skittles lodged in the depths of his greasy cranium, and the strongest of screws still valiantly holding together his stupid sunglasses.
Let’s keep the theme going… Will you seriously deny us the chance at daily masturbation for your own selfish desires? If you refuse to rejoin us, it can only mean you have been brain washed by the douche Guy Fieri and are now enjoying the culinary abortions that fall out of his ass on a daily basis.
And if that is the case, you sir, have made MY list.
Just stopping by to say hi…
Sounds like you are happy in hawaii – that’s good.
Still sad! Miss you lots, Listy.
I too check back here every once in a while.. I remember when I first learned who Rick Santorum was, and what he stood for, and saw him almost call the president the n-word on live television, one of the first things I did was check back here to see if he or some other annoying, shitty thing had finally sent you back over the edge and spawned a new post. But nope.
It’s okay, Listy. We’ll keep the hatred alive.
So, it’s been a long time since you moved on with your life, but have you considered writing much of anything, anymore? The world lacks people with enough intellect AND common sense to see the world for the giant idiot-catering shit storm that it is. At least, it lacks people that can articulate it in a funny way. Maybe a screenplay?
Even if you can’t be furious at everything, the world needs more comedy writers, and the ‘blogosphere’(god, I hate that word) is absolutely inundated with human-shaped feces, blathering on about mommy-issues and hacky political commentary.
We need you, Listy, if that IS your real name.
Thanks guys. Yes, I am living it up in Hawaii and maintaining the perfect tan… not too dark, just a perfect caramel color that says “hey, whatever.” Daily I still encounter things that I would like to write about but maintaining my sanity wins in the end and my stupid blog remains untouched. Well, actually I still write quite often in the comments of various posts, due to a never-ending stream of idiots leaving barley coherent musings.
Do not lose sleep my friends, I am still awesome!
Hey douche bag! Are you stii in love with yourself, and better yet did you move to Hawaii so you could marry you, because you certainly couldn’t find a person that fits your high standards,genius, and awesome personality….Too bad Bobby Flay is a man, because you guys would be perfect.
We all know the right wingers out there won’t allow me to marry me, otherwise I would love to for me to make me the happiest man on Earth.
You suck, i can’t belive i wasted my week reading your past post just so i could find out you have quited, i just got over hateing the world and last week i found your blog by accident, then i started hating again come on there has to be something you hate there
Oh and i forgot to mention, you are Awesome, i love your blog! to bad i didn’t find it earler
Yeah, I’ve been telling people how awesome I am for many years now. My opinions are perfect and I’m never wrong!
Don’t change the point, by the way how old are you? its always at the top of my mind
Old enough to be wise, young enough to still fucking rule!
Well… good for you,am just gowing a sit around and thing about my shity life and how i wasted my 16years of life!
Just found this blog…I live in chicago and this shit is so relatably hilarious. Come back!
I was the best. Oh, and I’m STILL the best.
LISTY! Did you write this review?? I love you.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/restaurant-review-guys-american-kitchen-bar-in-times-square.html
I’m thinking of throwing a You Just Made My List reunion party here.
I can’t believe I’m so fucking late to this party. I just found the site the other day after googling weird images people find in food and so forth. ‘Was a bit confused as to what I was reading but after a few seconds realized I’d found some kind of sanity oasis in this terrible yet somehow unavoidable desert known as the internet. My girlfriend has been relentlessly ridiculing me for the amount of time I’ve spent reading here instead of doing other “important” job and relationship related things. It has led to a cycle of wanting to read it more but then hating myself for wasting so much time on-line.
You should be publishing something (even if it’s not on this site, although, for all I know you are and I just don’t know what it is).
Whatever–good job. Too bad it’s done.
I just wandered over here because I was thinking about the genius of Listy, and the beauty of “You Just Made My List”. I was hoping that some Christmas miracle had occurred and you wrote some sort of Holiday Edition post for old times sake. I guess not. *sigh*
I agree, it is not right for me to deprive the world of my correct opinions. I am probably the best at the internet.
Best. Christmas Gift. Ever.
Merry Christmas Listy!
Awwwww Fucker, thanks and same to you.
NO —– DON’T GO !! YOU MIGHT-BE ON THE VERGE OF SOME-THING BIG: IE, WAY-BIG-ER-THAN EVEN ***YOU*** CAN IMAGINE !!
BECAUSE I, PERSONAL-LY, JUST-NOW [TODAY] ***DISCOVER’D*** YOU !!
AND THERE MIGHT-BE A DOZEN, OR A HUNDRED, OR A THOUSAND GUYs-LIKE-ME, WHO JUST-NOW DISCOVER’D YR WEB-SITE …
IF U QUIT NOW, U MIGHT-BE MISS-ING YR CHANCE AT “THE BIG-TIME” !!
SINCERE-LY, MARK “TRUTH-SEEKER”
How did I win you over so quickly? Just a few minutes ago you were telling me how much I suck.
Please come back. We still need you! There is so much shit out there that you need to take down. “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” that morning show where Kathie Lee Gifford gets drunk on the air, “legitimate rape,” Instagram, North Korea, hipsters, and on and on!
Believe me, I have my days when I feel like writing but only when the outside world invades my little island. I do everything I can to avoid popular “culture” now and it has made me a much happier person. I say this at the risk of ruining the Listy legacy but if I start paying attention to Guy Fieri again I might as well cover myself in chum and take a dip in the ocean. Getting rid of cable TV may have sabed my life! In the meantime, my boring happiness is ruining yours. I just made your list.
Fuck sakes, I just found this site yesterday after Googling ‘Alton Brown is a fucking douchebag’, and found you’ve closed up shop 2 years ago.
I spent my last two nights going through YJMML with a fine tooth comb, and all I can say is thank you. Haven’t had the desire to keep reading and reading and reading in a long time.
Hope you decide to get back at it one day.
Good day, sir.
Vince, you blew it. I’m awesome, you should have been here a few years ago.
Dude, you could never make my list. Not only are you too awesome, but it’s already jam-fucking-packed.
I wish I could tune out and never have to hear the words “Kardashian,” “Snooki,” or “Dancing with the Stars” again, but the awful shit this country is producing is just pervasive and unavoidable, like fecal particles in a Jersey Turnpike men’s room.
I really don’t spend that much time and energy on rage, but these things annoy me a little bit here and a little bit there, and that builds up. Man, I really have better things to do.
That said, Gwyneth Paltrow is a toolbag ass-faced cunt and I hate her fucking guts.
The only way to solve your problem is do what I did… move to Hawaii and stop watching TV.