Jul 21 2008

Billy Mitchell and his little Bitch Brian Kuh!

Published by at 4:00 am under Jerks

Have you seen the documentary The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters yet? If not, hurry the hell up because it rules. You know what doesn’t rule, Billy Mitchell and his little disciple Brian Kuh. They suck very hard.

It has nothing to do with the possibility that Billy cheated or the fact that he won’t break world records at the little Twin Galaxies festival of virgins, I just can’t stand the guy. He’s the worst kind of nerd, arrogant and with zero self-awareness. I like my nerds to be fearful and lonely. I want them to flinch when I fake punch them.

It’s no wonder Billy Mitchell walks around like the Arthur Fonzarelli of the arcade. He is literally worshiped by a small but devoted group of video game dorks. Adult video game dorks. He is king of the dorks. And what a heroic figure he is with his beautiful, long, 1984 porno hair and his novelty, America-themed neckties. He’s like a cross between Jesus and Chewbacca.

Every night before bed Billy has to remove Brian Kuh from his ass. If Billy Mitchell is king of the dorks then Brian is… well… Brian is just a fucking dork! I just came to a startling realization, Billy Mitchell IS cool. I mean in his world he does deserve to be king. He hangs out with 40 year old guys who still play Marble Madness WITH THEIR FEET. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that Billy Mitchell is the only member of Twin Galaxies who has ever kissed a girl.

Maybe I’m jealous of Billy Mitchell. Maybe I want to be Billy Mitchell. I’m just kidding, I was trying to sound like a real writer coming to some stupid realization. No, the truth is I can’t stand Billy and Brian Kuh and people who play Marble Madness with their feet.

I am not including Roy “Mr. Awesome” Shildt in the dork category. He is, in fact, AWESOME!

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62 comments so far

62 comments to “Billy Mitchell and his little Bitch Brian Kuh!”

  1. H Arroyoon 16 Oct 2011 at 10:11 pm

    This guy’s a real piece of work, tryin’ to swagger with his two dollar street brought whore, who’s he think he is ? I would love the opportunity to beat the dog shit outa his pussy ass, than make him watch while I butt fuck his momma, an his whore

  2. jackon 05 Mar 2012 at 11:01 pm

    just watched the movie and billy should go fuck himself wit a big black dildo while that little fag brian jacks off to him.
    i couldnt give a fuck about gaming i just watched it cos i was bored but WOW there fucking idiots. steve wiobe is a cool guy

  3. James Cairnson 16 May 2012 at 9:13 am

    I think Billy is the man and the ultimate king of kong.. what a legend!!

  4. wardion 25 May 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Guys/Gals,

    Let’s not “hate” these two guys. Come on. Who would want their life exposed in a documentary? I’m sure they didn’t like the editing and the way the producer/director edited the film.

    Yes, they said all those things, and we all get a chuckle out of it, but let’s not “hate” them. They are people too, let’s be kind.

    I’m sure they have all changed for the better in 5 years. I loved the movie and Steve Wiebe rocks! What a guy to put up with such wacky surroundings. My hats off to Steve and his family, hopefully all the other characters are learning from Steve and his family.

    Best wishes to all. Keep laughing, it’s good medicine. Stop hating, it will “kill ya”.

  5. conneron 19 Aug 2012 at 11:56 pm

    brian kuh is a complete waste of flesh, so is billy mitchell. kuh is mitchell’s bitch he’d die for billy. if i could i’d kill both of them. i swear to god i would. i get the gaming requires unique skill, but do not compare it to an athletic event at all. you dont have to be athletic to sit down and play a fucking video game. if anyone know where kuh lives let me know….(;

  6. You Just Made My List!on 20 Aug 2012 at 5:12 am

    OK crazy, just settle down with all the killing people shit. You might want to leave another, less-crazy, less-killy comment.

  7. twigon 29 Sep 2012 at 4:42 pm

    billy mitchells a cunt!

  8. Andy Don 10 Oct 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Hi All-I heard Kuh’s now broke, and living off ramen.
    So much for retiring-more like a fall into permanent joblessness. KOK was all staged you know? It was scripted in large part. Walter was in on it too.
    Did you know Billy actually Owned TG back in the 80s? Walter and Billy go way back. Get researching people-Andy.

    PS. Still interested in Billy’s wife’s porn career – Details?

  9. David Gon 16 Jan 2013 at 3:34 pm

    This is probably my best documentary of all time. I’ve watched Super Size Me and Startup.com and many, many more, but this has to be my ultimate favourite of all time. I’ve watched it like 1000 times now. Whether they set it all up or not, I just wish they would have had Billy and Steve go head to head. Why didn’t that happen? I’ll tell you why, its because Billy can’t play DK or any other video game to save his life if he had too. At least Brian played Steve @ Fun Spot and gave it a shot, everyone can knock Brian down, but at least give him that. He’s still a loser and the ultimate nerd, but face it, he’s simply a follower of Billy. Does anyone know what they’re all doing right now and has Billy’s wife done a porn video as someone mentioned above. Kill Screen….

  10. Roy -mr A- Shildton 18 Apr 2013 at 6:14 pm

    It’s really me.Can I please be contacted by mr. you just made my list

  11. lol what a twaton 02 Sep 2013 at 11:15 am

    omg Billy Mitchel is such a ####.

    Actually it’s my professional opinion as a doctor (retired) that Billy Mitchel is probably, at best, a sociopath, at worst, just a massive cunt.

  12. You Just Made My List!on 02 Sep 2013 at 4:05 pm

    You can’t argue with science, people!