Dec 02 2008

People who enjoy exercising!

Published by at 3:00 am under Jerks

Oh brother, these people are the worst! Let me clarify… people who exercise are not on my list and people who feel better about themselves after a workout are also not on my list. I’m talking about the people who practically have a boner while exercising because they love it so much. I’m talking about people who enjoy working out WHILE working out.

For the record I exercise regularly. In fact I do this incredibly difficult workout called “super slow” that sounds stupid but I dare any of you to try it. It is fucking TORTURE! Super slow takes your body to its absolute limit and then goes past that limit until you want to cry. I would punch my trainer in her face if I could only lift my arms after one of her torture sessions. Shortly after exercising I feel great and proud of myself but I literally hate every second of the workout. I HATE IT!

I also belong to a normal gym and I see these people who love every second of it. They never leave! They are there every time I go. These people are evil and need to be stopped before they take over the world with their ripped abs and oily nipples.

Side note: do you really have to get naked at your locker and walk to the shower with your junk flapping around? Can’t you wear a towel and get naked just before entering the shower? Sunday I was at the gym and I turned my head to find a hairy dick no more than a foot from my face. Why? This guy walked around naked like he was the last guy on the planet.

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17 comments so far

17 comments to “People who enjoy exercising!”

  1. guilty noodleson 02 Dec 2008 at 10:52 am

    Oh please, I’ve got some really bad locker room stories. Women are the worst. Who puts on a bra and high heels with nothing else to apply makeup to their face? If you’re gonna start getting dressed, FINISH IT. I don’t need to see your pubes pressed up against the counter.

    Once, I was chatting with a woman in the locker room and not only did she sit her bare ass on the bench, but she proceeded to spread her legs, scrub her vagina with a towel and then massage lotion on her breasts. She did all of this while discussing hair products with me.

    My husband says that the really large and hairy men in the locker rooms blow dry their ass and privates dry. I guess they can’t reach?

  2. You Just Made My List!on 02 Dec 2008 at 10:59 am

    The women’s locker room sounds AWESOME!

  3. deadlytoqueon 02 Dec 2008 at 11:12 am

    Locker rooms are scary. I particularly like how the fratboy crowd will all cluster together in a big homoerotic crowd, and then there will always be that one 65-year old guy who just got out of the pool walking around with his terrifying wrinkles showing everywhere.

    I get pretty intense runner’s high, myself, but I know what you mean about the people who are WAY INTO EXERCISE. There’s this couple that uses the gym in my buildings around 8:00 – 9:00 pm, and he’s one of those. I think he even pisses her off, but she stays to humour him. He works out in a very bad, scary way, though, and I just hope to be there on the day he’s yanking free weights into the air and he tears something.

  4. RBoneon 02 Dec 2008 at 11:21 am

    “They are there every time I go”

    Maybe YOU are there every time THEY go?

    Also, I see no reason to ever be naked in the locker room. If you know you are going home right after, just deal with your sweaty ass till you get there and then do your business in private.

    If you need to be somewhere else after the gym that requires you to not be sweaty then maybe DONT GO TO THE GYM RIGHT BEFORE YOU NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE THAT REQUIRES YOU TO NOT BE SWEATY. Easy.

    Last time I was at the gym this hairy fuckbag decides he needs to get naked right next to me. I shit you not the second he pulled his drawers down the smell of his rancid fleshpile was like a vomit-inducing punch in the soul. I could not stop gagging. Making things worse, the dude stopped getting dressed and started to ask me if I was ok which only left me downwind of his grime-encrusted sack that much longer.

    I’m just going to stick with the Perfect Push-Up in my bedroom from now on.

  5. Xinaon 02 Dec 2008 at 11:29 am

    I’ve never understood the need for public nudity. I have a membership to a 24 hour gym and I like to go around 3am. That’s the only time I’ll take a shower at the gym, and then only if I have two or three pairs of flip flops to wear while in said shower. One time I came out of the shower in all my glory, minding my own business and there was another woman there! I freaked and covered my shame. She then proceed to smile, disrobe and tell me that we all have the same things and I had no need to hide mine. I looked at her saggy boobs, c-section scar and 70’s style bush and died a little inside because she thought that we had the same things. I’ve never showered at the gym again. I’ll take my stink at 3am just to not be compared to anyone else.

  6. guilty noodleson 02 Dec 2008 at 3:39 pm

    Did I mention the women at my gym have been beaten with a serious ugly stick? I don’t think it’s hot when a bare assed woman with droopy cheeks and stretch marks applying mascara is hot.

    Allow me ruin it for you… I once turned the corner, heading towards the showers when BAM there was a senior Asian women sitting on the bench naked, with her legs spread. I always assumed Asians would be really shy about undressing, but NOOOOOO. They parade around naked at all ages. Especially the old. Once, this anorexic woman strolled by naked. She was so emaciated, she had no ass and all I saw was her butt hole.

    I have learned to keep my eyes on the ground.

  7. Neishon 02 Dec 2008 at 4:47 pm

    LMAO @ Guilty noodles

    Anorexic bumhole! Bahahahaha

  8. Paul in St. Paulon 02 Dec 2008 at 6:00 pm

    When did everyone convert and become Puritans? You wouldn’t make it a day living with a lot of Europeans, I’ll tell you from experience.

    That cultural note said, I feel sorry for the Somalis who use my Y. I think they must be mortified by all the nakedness around them, to which they steadfastly do not contribute.

    Also, don’t feel so disgusted by the wrinkled old people; if you’re lucky, you’ll be one someday, and hopefully one that doesn’t give a shit what some young whippersnapper thinks of their junk. Or even better, one who wants to create a good story by applying mascara bottomless. That’s really a commanding scene, hot or not.

  9. You Just Made My List!on 02 Dec 2008 at 6:49 pm

    I don’t mind nudity and I’m not really freaked out by it but I am confused by the decision to walk around naked when it seems more appropriate for all concerned to just throw a towel on.

    Paul made me feel ashamed. I’m quitting blogging!

  10. Yours Trulyon 02 Dec 2008 at 7:04 pm

    @ guilty noodles: you want horror stories? I once walked in on a guy jacking off IN THE SHOWERS at my gym. Needless to say, I never went back to that cursed place. What if he didn’t wash his hands afterwards?

  11. You Just Made My List!on 02 Dec 2008 at 7:24 pm

    Did he know he was caught? What did he do?

  12. Jeffon 02 Dec 2008 at 8:47 pm

    Since hitting my mid-30s, I go to the gym at least once a day or else I feel like crap. I was ready to go off on you about ‘enjoying’ exercise as I genuinely enjoy the effects, but you’re right – whilst you’re doing it, it totally sucks.

    But nudity and homo eroticism is simply part of using a locker room – you gotta get over it. I actually find it more creepy when people are so sensitive about showing their man-thing that they cover their body in towels and make way too much effort to keep private in what should be considered a safe place to let it all hang out. Usually those guys wear panties instead of normal man-underwear though, so maybe it’s for the best.

    What I *really* hate though, is any personal contact in the locker room except with the person you’ve just been running with. That includes talking, smiling, glancing, touching, or even breathing in my direction. Also, eating and overly preening yourself. People should just shower, get changed, and get the hell out!!

  13. Paul in St. Paulon 02 Dec 2008 at 10:04 pm

    Don’t quit blogging on my account. I’ve just returned from a swim at the Y and I’ve got two naked-specific locker room complaints to register:
    1.) Obese men who sit naked in the sauna or steam room for long stretches of time and consider that their workout. I would let this go, except that they complain about how fucking fat they are as they sit swathed in sweat, expecting perspiration alone to peel away layers and rolls of blubber. It’s not pretty, but even worse, it’s unproductive. I want to tell them to get out of the sauna and get onto an elliptical.
    2.) Gay men who spend long stretches of time cruising at the gym without actually doing exercise. The main offender at my gym wastes hours wandering, when he could at least devote 45 minutes to something that would tone him up, a kickboxing class, or maybe just some sit-ups. That way, he would look better, and as a result, probably find some action faster, in even less time than he pointlessly spends now. I want to tell him to stop the behavior that creeps Jeff -from above – out, or at least down, and go try some free weights.

    So you see, YJMML, everyone can find something to complain about regarding naked locker room behavior. My outrages, however, stem more from a disgust at wasting time while naked than a discomfort with just casual nudity. A return to my cultural note from the last post: I consider both aversions – to nakedness in semi-public places AND to unproductive time use – to be quite American. The country CAN come together, even if coming from different places.

  14. deathon 03 Dec 2008 at 4:11 pm

    My gym isn’t so bad, most guys tend to shower and get changed pretty quickly, the old guys tend to walk around more with nothing on tho, which is distrubing but I have my eyes generally stuck on the carpet. My girlfriend says that there are nothing but old saggy women walking naked around her locker room, leaning over things and reaching for things, I don’t envy her. I live 5 minutes from the gym so I go home and shower to save seeing anything horrible, it’s the safest option. Maybe they need a hot person locker room…especially for the ladies…with a window to see in…that’d be nice 😉 haha

  15. Yours Trulyon 03 Dec 2008 at 7:48 pm

    @ YJMML: the guy knew he was caught, all right. He tried to deny it, even though I caught him “red handed”

  16. Smeliaon 10 Dec 2008 at 6:42 pm

    You just made my list,

    I think that you would be a perfect match for my cousin. Most of the things that you bitch about are exaclty the same as what she would bitch about. I think that you two should get together and have angry babies. You probably hate babies, but I think you should give it a whirl anyway. My cousin hates many things, stupid people being on the top of her list… and jerks. She fucking hates jerks. And she loves nothing more than to bitch about these people. Let me know if you would like to meet her, because I would gladly set that up!

    Cheers

  17. You Just Made My List!on 10 Dec 2008 at 8:48 pm

    Believe it or not, I actually love kids so I would be happy to fill your cousin with my hate babies.