You just made my list!

I have been debating whether or not I want to give any more airtime to this woman and ultimately I decided FUCK YEAH, I want to talk more about my new friend, Charlene DeLoach over at charlenechronicles.com. Why bother, right? She has an insignificant blog that floats in a virtual toilet filled with literally millions of predictable, vapid, self-centered "mommy blogs." Why waste my time? Because Charlene epitomizes something I deeply despise... hypocrisy. Let's get something straight... Charlene the big scary attorney, came to MY website and accused ME of stealing from her. She also used that opportunity to make a thinly-veiled threat that I might somehow be sued for embedding her fascinating video about FUCKING DEODORANT! So, let's give old Mrs. DeLoach the benefit of the doubt and once again explain section 6C of YouTube's terms of service...

For clarity, you retain all of your ownership rights in your Content. However, by submitting Content to YouTube, you hereby grant YouTube a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free, sublicenseable and transferable license to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, and perform the Content in connection with the Service and YouTube's (and its successors' and affiliates') business, including without limitation for promoting and redistributing part or all of the Service (and derivative works thereof) in any media formats and through any media channels. You also hereby grant each user of the Service a non-exclusive license to access your Content through the Service, and to use, reproduce, distribute, display and perform such Content as permitted through the functionality of the Service and under these Terms of Service. The above licenses granted by you in video Content you submit to the Service terminate within a commercially reasonable time after you remove or delete your videos from the Service. You understand and agree, however, that YouTube may retain, but not display, distribute, or perform, server copies of your videos that have been removed or deleted. The above licenses granted by you in user comments you submit are perpetual and irrevocable.

Great, that clears everything up! Obviously when presented with this fact Charlene, the accomplished attorney and "social media expert" will post a retraction and an apology for accusing me of copyright infringement. She goes back to blogging about how confusing daylight savings is and I go back to barely trying and still being the world's greatest blogger. WRONG! Instead, this hypocrite turns her hypocrisy machine that spews hypocrisy turds all over the fucking room up to 11. She even went as far as contacting Degree (can you believe this all started over deodorant?) via a tweet seeking their assistance in a "legal matter" she was "dealing with." All high-powered attorneys know the best way to contact a major corporation is a tweet. Clearly now in survival mode, Charlene began controlling the flow of information that contradicted her obviously incorrect accusation of stolen content. She began removing any comment from her blog, no matter how non-confrontational, that pointed out the errors in her claim of theft. Charlene has even gone as far as blocking the I.P. address of any visitor who disagrees with her. She conveniently left up the comment that oddly states "It doesn't matter what the YouTube rules are." Really? Do all you mommies teach your children that rules do not apply to them? Do you teach your kids to hide from the truth and disguise the facts? Fucking white people! Wait, I'm white. So, for those of you keeping score, we have 1) an attorney who believes laws somehow don't apply to her... 2) a blogging and social media expert who doesn't understand the basic rules of one of the largest websites on the internet... 3) a social media expert / attorney who thinks tweeting is the appropriate way to contact a company about a legal matter and who thinks this major corporation gives a shit about any of this... 4) a social media expert who believes censorship is the appropriate way to handle ideas that conflict with her own... and 5) a mommy expert who thinks any and all of the above is OK. Charlene DeLoach sounds like the perfect person to speak at your next blogging conference! Perhaps a panel discussion called "How to Do Everything Wrong."

I hate blogging. Some of you might have noticed a comment I received on my last post about Degree magical motion sensing deodorant from a blogger (and ATTORNEY!!!!!) named Charlene. The purpose of this comment was to inform me that embedding her Youtube video was a violation of copyright. Guess what Perry Mason, you lost another case and your client is going to the electric chair. Let's all spend less than 3 seconds to research your claim of copyright infringement and look at Youtube's terms of service, section 6C... "You also hereby grant each user of the Service a non-exclusive license to access your Content through the Service, and to use, reproduce, distribute, display and perform such Content as permitted through the functionality of the Service and under these Terms of Service." You are as bad at being an attorney as I am at not being awesome. Let's also keep in mind that her vague but threatening comment all centers around a video about DEODORANT! She wants to argue about deodorant? Your husband is a lucky man, you seem REAL carefree and fun Charlene! Oh my dear friends, the story doesn't end there. I took a little walk over to charlenechronicles.com and what do I see? What the fucking fuck do I see, but a rant... ABOUT ME! In this little rant, Charlene blabbed on and on about copyright violations, which would be fine IF I ACTUALLY VIOLATED HER RIGHTS. Clearly Charlene, the world's greatest attorney and self-proclaimed social media expert, doesn't understand the contract she entered into with Youtube. Now, will she print a retraction and apologize for having the fucking gall to accuse me of stealing her STUPID VIDEO ABOUT DEODORANT? What do you think? I submitted a comment on her blog explaining Youtube's policy but it has yet to be approved and I'm pretty sure it will not be. My favorite thing about her asinine post is that she refuses to link to my site because she doesn't want to "drive traffic" to me. I think you can risk sending your 3 readers a month my way. Based on your impressive average comment count of zero, I think it would be OK. Let me make something very clear, I am not pretending to be angry in an attempt to be funny or get back at this woman, I am genuinely VERY pissed off. I don't need some boring, bland, blogging mommy who spends her days shilling for deodorant companies to accuse me of stealing from her and then use me as a topic of discussion on her incredibly interesting blog that normally covers exciting topics like a block-by-block description of her morning jog. At one point she saw a pile of trash on the street! Thrilling Charlene. I hope Charlene has purchased and cleared the rights for EVERY photo and graphic she has ever used on her blog. If not, that would be a major violation against the copyright owners. I may not be a lawyer, but I once saw a porno about a bunch of lesbian lawyers, so yeah, I pretty much know a thing or two about the law. Let me tell you something about most of these mommy bloggers... they are liars and they are charlatans. They are snake-oil salesmen and they are shills. They give RAVE reviews of products and encourage you to check them out with an innocent little link. What most people don't know is, contained within that link is code, code that pays the sweet little mommy a commission when other mommies buy whatever shit the blogger is "loving." Hard to imagine anything other than a five star review when a possible commission check is looming overhead. I'm waiting for my apology Charlene. I want the world (a.k.a. your 3 readers) to know how sorry you are for accusing me of stealing from you when the reality is that you, the blogging and social media expert, couldn't blog your way out of a blog sack. I don't know exactly what a blog sack is, but I'm pretty sure it's not that hard to blog out of. I hope you enjoy the traffic I'm sending you.

I'm sure all you world wide web "surfers" have been asking yourself where the gosh heck I have been. First of all, watch your language. Secondly, there is no second part, I've just been blowing it off. Since June 30th, 2008 I have written pretty much 5 days a week for a total of 633 posts. There have been 527,068 visitors to youjustmademylist and in the 10,936 comments left on this site so far, I have been accused of living in my mom's basement approximately 800 times. I have spoken with, and completely blown off (for some dumb reason), a reputable literary agent who wanted to see some treatments for a book and I will most likely be murdered by a Juggalo within the next 3-4 months (if they weren't too fucking lazy to get their fat piece of shit asses off the couch). So what does all that mean? It probably means I'm awesome but I'm not sure. Am I quitting this blog? I don't know. I don't think so but to be honest, it's hard to find the time lately. I'm so fucking talented at my job that I've been working 12-14 hour days. Plus, I'm moving to Hawaii at the end of the summer (my mom is moving her basement there, I have no choice) and it is not a simple move. It basically involves me completely dismantling my life and selling almost everything I own. Blah blah blah, this is starting to sound like a "real" blog where people share their feelings. Sorry. SO... I think I will be back very soon but I'm not entirely sure anyone cares. I was sure the world would end when I stopped writing but, much to my disappointment, Guy Fieri and Creed still have a planet to walk around on. Sincerely, Listy (The most awesome person in the world)

I was in the middle of writing a brilliant piece about something important when I noticed a technical problem taking a pee pee all over me. It's boring and lame and stupid and annoying and the end result is no post today. At least I can give you this video which proves the existence of God.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to send out a quick inter-office email to remind you that the big "You Just Made My List" first anniversary party is today in conference room B at 4:00. Don't be late (I'm looking at you Brad! Remember SALES IN ACTION 2008 - you will never live that down!!!!!! LOL!) Julie and Lisa have been working like crazy people (cuckoo cuckoo) to make this party ON THE CHAIN!!! If you thought the Sales on the Beach Summer Bash was fun, then hold on to your Dockers because this party will rock you!! PARTY ACTIVITIES INCLUDE: • Wackiest Neck Tie Contest • Best Themed Cubicle Contest • A Performance by Steve and Frank's "Rubber-band Band" • Waste Paper Basket-Ball • NASCAR, or should I say NAS-CHAIR race (hee hee) Debbie was nice enough to bake her famous cookies (one each please) and our very own Dan "The Man" will be DJ-ing right from his laptop? I don't know how he figures that stuff out, zoom right over my head!!! LOL! Running throughout the party will be an awesome (it seriously made me cry, boo hoo) Power Point slide show chronicling our first year! I'm not kidding when I say it's as good as any documentary I have seen on Fox News, and you know I love my Fox News!!! AND... If ALL that wasn't enough, closing out the evening will be a super entertaining performance from... drumroll... drumroll... Counting Crows? (you wish Stacy! ROFL!!!)... drumroll... RAZZMATAZZ!!!! So don't be like that guy Ken who got fired last year for missing the Show Me The Money sales picnic! (he was a weirdo anyway) See you at 4:00 and thanks for a GREAT YEAR!!!!

Have you seen this banner ad online yet? I see it, plus other variations, all the time and it just does not sit well with me. It makes me want to shower. My brain wants desperately to figure out which photo is "before" and which is "after" but all I see is before and more before. I have been waking up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat, screaming "BEFORE! BEFORE!" I did a little nosing around about this ad and the site "cathysteeth.com" that it advertises. Turns out there are about 100 variations of this "mom's blog" all telling the same story but from the beautiful white mouths of different fake moms. Just google the following sentence and you will see what I mean...

I discovered a two-product combination that works better than anyone could have expected

I used to just hate the ad because it made me physically ill, but now I hate it because it's just another example of people trying to scam each other. Fuck everyone. Not you though, you are my favorite.

I literally forgot to write for the blog today. The last two weeks have been an endless parade of meat, cheese and booze. Here's me as a little kid. Look how angry and disappointed with life I am already. I am obviously putting the photographer and his crappy studio on my list while this photo is being snapped. Click on it to zoom in and see all my baby rage!

You know, every night after a long day of "work" I bust my hump to write some barely interesting shitty post for this crap blog of mine. Occasionally I will reread older posts and think "eh, that was sort of funny" but then two separate people in the last few days sent me a link to this blog called Fuck You Penguin and now I'm ready to quit. I suck. It makes me so mad when people are better than me. This blog is not just a little better than mine, it's WAY better. I give all of you permission to switch your allegiance to FYP. If I were you I'd rather read it, it's better than this piece of fart soaked poo. I don't even like blogs.