You just made my list!

Yeah that's right, I fucking blew off my precious blog today. Nobody cares anyway. Shut up and watch the last two episodes of "Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis."

I ran out of time today and will not be able to be hilarious and insightful. Please accept the hilarious Zach Galifianakis in my place.

Yeah, that's right, I finally snapped! I couldn't take it any longer and had to escape to the beach. I'm not saying which beach because I don't need one of my many fans to stalk me and try to sell photos of me on vacation to TMZ. Rest assured I will be warm and toasty as I do absolutely nothing all day, every day for a week. Knowing how fragile my readers can be and how empty your lives are without me, I have decided to give you a full week of things I actually LIKE rather than shut the site down. Don't get too excited, I'm not writing shit. I'm just going to post some cool/funny/interesting/dumb videos. Feel free to say terrible things about me while I'm gone because I will not be checking in. YOU'RE WELCOME! ♥ List Guy

I have already ranted about how much I hated The Curious Case of Benjamin Button but I had to share this chunk of awesomeness with you!

I have a family matter to attend to today so please complain to each other about anything that you have stuck up your ass. Also, enjoy this...

Fucking god damn John Mayer is making me like him and it's pissing me off! He's already on my list and now he MUST make a second appearance for making me love him. WHHHHHHHY! Here's the deal, I hate hate HATE his crap music and I will ALWAYS hate it. It is the worst brand of bottom of the barrel, middle of the road, bland crap and I despise it with every cell in my body. BUT, thanks to Fox placing TMZ between two episodes of The Simpsons every day I now know more about John Mayer than I ever hoped to. My worst fears have been realized because John Mayer is funny. There really is no way around it. He's funny in front of the paparazzi (or as we call it on TMZ the "paps") and he's funny in the clip below. How fucking dare this asshole make me like him! John, call me.