You just made my list!

Hey Donald, if your hot dogs are so fucking famous why I have I never heard of them? How exactly are these hole-in-the-wall joints measuring fame? Are we talking Brad Pitt famous or Pauly Shore famous?

I especially like it when you drive by a shitty restaurant that boasts something like “try our world famous chili.” I imagine a family sitting around the dinner table in Egypt talking about how one day they would like to travel half way around the globe to America so they can see the Statue of Liberty, the Grand Canyon, the Hollywood sign and finally have a bowl of that God damn chili from “Dave’s Gyros and Burger Palace #2” they grew up hearing about. You can barely open an Egyptian newspaper or turn on “Good Morning Cairo” without hearing at least one story about Dave’s world-famous chili.

If you are anyone other than a suburban mom over the age of 50 and you own a PT Cruiser, it’s time to figure out exactly where it all went wrong. Loosen your novelty tie and take a moment to really think about your life.

On a side note… I’m up to my sunglasses (which I wear on the back of my neck in an attempt to be as money as Guy Fieri) in shit to do this week and have decided to neglect my website for a couple days. I realize this will ruin your life but I will be back in a couple days with my important opinions.

Speaking of cars… My friend (yes I have friends) sent me this link to some awesome photos of people driving.