Hey guess what happens EVERY winter in Chicago… IT SNOWS!
Keeping this bit of trivia in mind, why does the local news act as if the sky is raining shards of glass and infected hypodermic needles every time a little snow is on the way? Fine, tell me a storm is on the way but do it like this… “Tonight in weather news, some snow is on the way, probably about 5 inches. You know what to do, so let’s leave it at that. On to other news about real things…”
All it takes is a little snow making its way towards our city and the news people start ejaculating all over each other. They will literally use up half of the news to discuss it. They might as well just run the same footage for each storm because year after year, storm after storm, it is always the same.
Here’s a handy how-to guide for creating your own TV snow report:
1) Go to the airport and talk to people in line whose flight has been canceled. Film some people sleeping on chairs and a family in Hawaiian shirts looking concerned. Roll some footage of the departure screen filled with the word “canceled,” that seems to get people worked up!
2) Show the Streets and Sanitation commissioner at a podium explaining that they will first plow and salt the main roads and then the side streets.
3) Interview a fat guy with a Ditka mustache who drives a snow plow. He will say something like “Looks like we will be workin’ true da night ta clear dees streets, whatever it takes.”
4) Cut to a hardware store and explain that a snow shovel can be used to move snow.
5) Interview people on the street about snow. They won’t have much to say but you can see their breath! Extra points if you can find a guy from Africa who has never seen snow before.
6) Footage of people getting blown over by the wind. Impactful and induces fear of wind, NICE!
7) Cut back to the weather guy (with visible erection) and refer to his desk as “Storm Center 3000”.
Repeat each time it snows.