You just made my list!

After working a 16 hour day yesterday (and not writing for this website) I finally let my head hit the pillow for a good night’s sleep. As usual I woke up feeling less-rested than I felt when going to bed. I hate my dreams.

My dreams consistently include 3 major themes: frustration, fear and celebrities. My dreams will often last for what seems like hours and usually end with me waking up feeling terrified, stressed or both. I might spend the night shooting raisins at Corey Haim or maybe I’m driving Miley Cyrus and a vacuum cleaner around the city while she sings “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” Both of these nightmares are real. I also recently had a dream that included a magazine on a table called “Manhole Weekly.”

Last night was a typical dream where I try to accomplish a relatively simple task that ends up becoming complicated and stressful. The short version of last night’s dream is… I went to buy a 12 pack of beer for an engagement party of a girl I worked with 12 years ago. When I arrived I thought it would be funny to call in to the talk radio show they were listening to and make some joke specific to them. I finally got through to the station and was put on hold. In the meantime they had switched the station. I walked into the room they were hanging out in, spilling and trying to gather beer cans the entire time, and tried to find the correct radio station for my ruined joke. In my dream, this was like a 15 minute process. Finally I said fuck it and sat on the couch with Philip Seymour Hoffman who was dressed as a priest. I excitedly told him my band had been chosen to do the soundtrack for a new blockbuster movie called “The Reconstructionist.” Upon hearing this news he became intense and pulled my head onto his lap. He stared at me and said “is that right?” and then his eyes became totally white for about 2 seconds. This might sound dumb but in the dream this was terrifying. I sat up and said “I guess I will just sit up now and shit my pants.” Then I woke up from fear. It took me a good 15 minutes to get over how scared I was.

Just another typical bullshit night!