You just made my list!

I accidentally got drunk last night. I didn’t mean to and now I feel like Guy Fieri’s butthole.

I wanted to write about the fucking annoying old lady in the Resolve Bright and White commercial but I can’t find a clip. Shouldn’t everything be on the internet by now?

So please accept my deepest apologies and then shut up and watch this. I know it’s not new but it’s awesome (like me).

“Oh my god, you’re my totally fuckin’ like favorite.”

I need to get the bad taste of Sarah Palin out of my mouth (I wish) so I am going to send you into the weekend with the latest brilliant episode of Drunk History. Maybe it’s the cheap Mexican beer I am currently drinking but I am in a good mood. SHUT UP JERKS!