You just made my list!

Calm down nerds, I’m not talking about your glasses, I’m talking about the fact that for the first time in my life I need glasses.

I was always so proud of my perfect 20/20 vision and could often be found challenging people to read faraway signs. After they would give up and fail miserably I would arrogantly say “It says #1 Golden House of Chop Suey” and shake my finger at their weak, inferior eyes. Well, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA FUCKING HA, joke’s on me this time because I, your hero, found out today that I need glasses. Now I’m going to be just like the rest of you pathetic four-eyed nerdlingers.

The thing that really pisses me off is that my right eye is perfectly fine but my left eye is a lazy cocksucker asshole. Way to go douchebag eye!

I’m pretty sure the blinding rage I felt while watching the Lost finale last night did, in fact, blind me.