You just made my list!

I’m not sure when the phrase “it is what it is” came on the scene but I feel like over the last year I hear it every day from someone. I can’t quite put my finger on why but it bugs me. It’s the equivalent of saying nothing.

I feel like I usually hear it coming from the puffy mouth of a bikini-clad slut right after she barfs in the refrigerator on “Rock of Love” or some other reality TV whore-fest.

I have a cold, I feel like shit and that’s all I feel like writing. I need a nap. Sorry, it is what it is.

OK listen up, it’s SUPPOSEDLY not SUPPOSABLY! Got it?

I used to work with someone who ALWAYS said “supposably” and it made me insane. I would purposely use the word “supposedly” around her all the time and would clearly pronounce every syllable hoping she would one day beg for forgiveness. I would say things like “I’m going to lunch now. SUPP-OS-ED-LY the ham and cheese is on sale at Arby’s. SUPP-OS-ED-LY Arby’s stands for ‘America’s Roast Beef, Yes Sir’ did you know that? OK, SUPP-OS-ED-LY. Bye, SUPP-OS-ED-LY. SUPP-OS-ED-LY”

My hidden grammar lessons fell on deaf ears because before long she would be jamming that disgusting “supposably” back in my face.

I watch a lot of People’s Court and the biggest crime you will see is the murder of the English language. This is not a rant against People’s Court however. I love People’s Court. I want to marry People’s Court. People’s Court is the greatest achievement mankind has known.

My complaint is not specifically with people who appear on TV courtroom shows, or this lovely couple to the left (God help us), it’s really about anyone who says “had went.” For example “I had went to 7-11 to buy my old lady a panty rose when I ran into my parole officer.” Here’s the way this works, just say “I WENT to 7-11…” or if you really want to impress people with extra words you can say “I had GONE…” OK? Simple enough right?

Here’s another odd grammatical phenomenon that seems to be spreading. More and more I keep hearing people using the word “whenever” in place of “when.” What the fuck? Stop it! Someone will say “Whenever I went to buy some crystal meth I realized I left my money in my other overalls.” NO NO NO! It should simply be “WHEN I went to buy some crystal meth…”

I just realized there must be people who say “WHENEVER I HAD WENT to buy some crystal meth…” I hate these people.