You just made my list!

I don’t even like Conan’s show that much, but good lord, he’s a million times better than this asshole.

Can you please explain to me how this fat face had the highest rated show on late night television?

When I say I don’t understand Jay Leno’s popularity I mean I literally can’t comprehend it in exactly the same way I will never be able to wrap my head around the creation of the universe or the musical stylings of Nickelback. I mean, I can even understand the popularity of Carrot Top! The Top glues a bicycle horn to a toilet seat, gives it a funny name and all of us in the audience shake our heads and think “how does that sum’bitch come up with this stuff?” Then we literally laugh so hard our NASCAR hats fly off our heads on to the Skoal spit covered floor. But Jay Leno? What the fucking fuck?

And while you’re at it Jay, can you stop buying every car and motorcycle on the planet? We get it, you are rich on an inconceivable level and your garage is worth more than the lives of my entire family. You win.

Speaking of Jay Leno and Kanye West… I’m sure most of you have heard the audio of Obama calling Kanye a jackass but it is so worth listening to again. Obama is the God damn man and this is hilarious.