You just made my list!

Yes, I had a wart. Shut up. It was on the side of my pinky finger and I probably got it at the gym when I was blasting my triceps and looking awesome.

Here’s the thing about warts, it took me one full year to get rid of it. A FULL YEAR! I tried everything. I started with a Compound W gel that really just turned the wart white but did nothing. Then I was forced to buy this wart freezing stuff from a super attractive young female pharmacist. That was fun. It froze the wart and hurt like hell but did nothing. I would pick at it with a pair of tweezers and there were a few times I thought it was gone only to watch it slowly grow back.

After about 10 months of trying to eat it away with gels or freeze it off with cold air and after wearing a fucking band-aid on my finger every day for almost a year, I decided to try something crazy that I heard about. Duct tape. Apparently it is a miracle cure for warts but it just seemed too crazy to try. I am happy to say as of last week I am wart free and it was the God damn duct tape that did it!

You will find a lot of duct tape wart removal tips online but here is what worked for me. First of all, there is no magic substance in the glue that kills the wart. Instead, keeping your wart covered in duct tape for several days seals it and keeps it moist and gooey. I would keep a square of tape on my wart under a band-aid for 3 or 4 days at a time. When you remove the tape the skin underneath is white and soft, like you are a corpse floating in a river! Soak it in hot water for a few minutes and then eat away at the wart with a sharp pair of tweezers. Make sure you yank as much of it off as you can. Then, simply repeat several more days/weeks until it looks like the wart is gone. It isn’t, trust me, so keep doing it. Keep taping and digging. The wart will look dark while your “normal” skin will look white. Keep those tweezers munching on that dark stuff until it no longer appears. Don’t forget to sterilize your tweezers each time you use them so you don’t spread the virus.

Is there anything duct tape can’t do? Well, it’s actually pretty bad at sealing ductwork ironically.