You just made my list!

Yeah that’s right, I said onion rings! Bring it on motherfuckers!

I’m really getting tired of these asshole onion rings walking around like they are God’s gift to fast food. We have all been bamboozled by these greasy jerks for too long and it’s time someone took a stand! This is your cue to use that annoying voice of yours to quietly say to the computer, “Who do you think you are? I like onion rings.” Do you ever listen to yourself? Let me tell you something, you THINK you like onion rings. You don’t.

First of all, what makes these jerks so expensive? When did onions become the Cristal Champagne of vegetables? It’s not even a vegetable, what the hell is it? Why is a giant basket of french fries half the price of these six pathetic pieces of crap you just brought me?

Secondly, It would be nice to bite into an onion ring without hot air shooting into my mouth. I feel like I’m giving a jet engine a blowjob. I’m hungry now, onion rings, I don’t want to wait two hours to eat you.

And another thing, it sure is nice to have that slimy onion booger flop out of the batter on the first bite leaving me looking like an idiot holding my empty ring. Nice teamwork onion.

Before you start pissing your panties with anger, consider this… battered and fried onions DO taste awesome BUT the ring format must be put to rest. I suggest we all switch to onion CHIPS!

I am right, I know everything.