You just made my list!

Oh my God, look at how beautiful that peacock is with his majestic feathers extended like some magical fairytale bird.

WRONG! You have never been more wrong you stupid idiot! That peacock is trying to hypnotize that peahen and fuck her terrified ass. Oh yeah, and he wants to do it while your family watches! No wonder “cock” is in his name!

If you have only experienced peacocks in photographs then you probably think I’m crazy. However, if you have witnessed this horror show in person then you will know what I’m talking about. The male will raise his feathers in an attempt to look awesome. Fine, I can deal with that. It’s not unlike when I walk around Six Flags shirtless. Next it surrounds the peahen and shakes its ass a few times. OK, sounds like me at the beach. But then it all goes terribly wrong. This creepy jerk violently vibrates his feathers, creating the most horrific sound you will ever hear. It’s subtle but disgusting! I am not lying when I tell you it makes my skin crawl. When I witnessed it up close and personal in Hawaii I thought I was going to cry or barf or maybe cry barf out of my eyes.

Ladies, does this turn you on?