You just made my list!

Here’s the thing about tapas, I love to EAT tapas and that’s where the problem begins. Any time I go to a tapas restaurant I end up eating approximately one cube of potato, three pieces of bread and an olive. But wait, when I looked at the table it was covered in food. There were miniature plates everywhere!

I suppose it’s really my fault for not taking more food from each tiny plate as they whiz by. I just feel guilty taking too much when 10 people are trying to share food from plates that belong in a doll house. Half the time I don’t even get to taste the food I ordered. I just sit there and watch like a hungry dog as my dish travels around the table. As it passes through the filthy hands of my soon to be ex-friends I watch as the cubes of cheese I ordered begin to disappear. I quickly do the math and realize no cheese will be entering my mouth hole this evening. I fantasize about fabulously violent ways to kill each and every one of my cheese-filled “friends.” One will get an oily skewer to the neck while another I will drown in sangria. You will all pay the price for eating my cheese you pieces of shit!