I made the mistake of accidentally seeing the last 10 minutes of American Idol last night and now I want to hide inside my testicles for the rest of my life. When Adam Lambert and the other douchebag finalist started singing Queen’s “We Are The Champions” I was already booking my flight to L.A. so that I might kick them in their smooth areas. But I was not prepared for what was about to happen next. The stage opened up and there were the surviving members of Queen backing up these turd wads. Yeah, the real fucking god damn QUEEN sharing the stage and taking a backseat to those two motherfuckers! I don’t want to live in a world where Queen has to share a stage with Adam Lambert’s eyeliner. I’m sure as I write this Freddie Mercury’s corpse is zombie walking its way to Brian May’s house looking for answers.
I have always hated American Idol but this season has taken me over the edge. For some reason I keep seeing it every week. Specifically I keep catching this season’s “rocker” Adam Lambert perform, and each time I want to dig my eyes out of my skull and shove them down my ears while smashing my face through the TV. I fucking hate the fuck out of this prancing turd and his eye makeup. I would spend every penny I own (which is like 207 pennies) just to have the chance to kick him in the smooth area where his balls should be.
Music is dead. No, the music industry is dead. Everyone, including supposed indie bands, are so fucking into their look and their image now. Even a band like the Strokes, who pretend to be dirty and disheveled, spend just as much time picking out their outfits as the American Idol douchewads. Fuck everyone, what happened to awesome, ugly, dirty, sweaty bands like the Minutemen or the Replacements?
If this clip of Adam Lambert taking a shit all over Johnny Cash doesn’t make you want to go on a killing spree then you need to kindly punch yourself in your penis and/or vagina.
