You just made my list!

Yeah, you’re going to sit in that window and read a book.

In the history of window nooks there have been exactly 3 people who have used them to relax with a good book. I also saw a study on these so-called “sitting areas” that said, and I quote, “It is our finding that no evidence exists to support the claim that any bedroom sitting area has ever been used for actual sitting. We are only able to find examples of sitting areas being used for laundry storage, the putting on of socks and several incidents of kinky birthday sex.”

Give up the dream people, we are Americans and we don’t know how to read words on paper anymore. We don’t need to continue this silly charade! Nobody really wants to curl up with a book and a cup of tea in their window. Try a 2-liter of X-treme Nitro-Nacho Mountain Dew and 4 hours of Farmville on Facebook while sitting in front of the TV.

God bless us.

Take a nice long look at our future. We are fucking doomed.

Haven’t bought your copy of “Flirtexting,” the exciting new guide to flirting via text messages yet? Oh man are you dumb! No wonder you aren’t married yet you stupid piece of shit, you are texting all wrong!

For example, when a guy texts you at 3 am saying “hhey gurl wha yo u doingf wanna blowjon me” how would you know to respond with “I guess so, might as well.” Guess what? You just FLIRTEXTED! You are on your way to a rich and fulfilling life.

These two geniuses actually found a secret formula to make men do what they want… via text. I know, can you believe women finally know the secret? Up until now, getting a man to do what you want was virtually impossible.

And such a noble pursuit, controlling men with your cell phone. Their parents must be so proud.

Doomed.