Tag Archive 'brian austin green'

Jul 06 2010

Kleenex disposable hand towels!

kleenex hand towels

Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap…

That slow clap is for you, Kleenex, for having the balls to stick your middle finger up Mother Nature’s ass and say right to her face, “Fuck you bitch, you’re not the boss of me!” What’s next Kleenex? Q-tips made out out baby seal fur? HELL YEAH, fuckin’ go fuckin’ for it! BEER! (sorry, I’m still kind of amped from the 4th of July)

I will admit, I kind of hate the “green” movement. Not because of what it stands for, it stands for the RIGHT thing and we should all be more conscious about our impact on the environment, but rather I hate the way it has become the flavor-of-the-month for marketing agencies and an empty gesture made by most people. “Sure, I drive a Hummer but I also changed all the lights around the pool to compact fluorescent bulbs, so I’m doing my part.”

But come on Kleenex, disposable single-use hand towels in your home bathroom? Bravo! That’s like trying to sell “I hate America” T-shirts on September 12th. Although, this is one of the rare times I am wrong because people WILL buy this ridiculous gimmick because we (not me, you) are afraid of EVERYTHING in this country.

Kleenex will have everyone believing porn stars sneak into their bathrooms at night and jerk off all over their towels while their family safely dreams about EPCOT Center and Guitar Hero in their bedrooms. Oh, and those porn stars all have AIDS… and bird flu. Also, the birds had AIDS so they are really covering your towels in human AIDS, bird flu and bird AIDS. So if you are keeping score, that’s two AIDS and one flu. ON YOUR TOWELS!

18 responses so far

Sep 18 2009

Megan Fox, her empty head and her disgusting toe thumbs!

Published by under Jerks

megan fox thumbs

First of all, let’s put an end to the rumor that Megan Fox is SOOOOOO HOT! Megan Fox is pretty, at best. I honestly would not give her a second look if I saw her on the street. Well I might do a double take if I caught a glimpse of those fucking disgusting, stubby toe thumbs. To compare them to toes is actually an insult to toes. I am sorry toes. What the fuck is wrong with her thumbs? If I saw that hand making its way towards my boner I would immediately start making excuses about how I had to get up early because I’m going to prison for murder and I don’t want to be late on my first day.

Forget the thumbs for a second, which I understand is not easy to do, have you heard this dolt speak? She is shockingly dumb. If I were to compare her intelligence and charm to a popular band, I would have to say she is somewhere between The Insane Clown Posse and Creed. Oh, and she’s had sex with “David Silver!” I’m sorry, but any woman who would allow Brian Austin Green’s boner within 10 feet of her body is automatically an idiot.

I managed to use the word “boner” twice in one post. My work here is done, I quit.

30 responses so far