You just made my list!

All I do on this website is bitch and bitch and bitch (for good reason) but sometimes you witness something so beautiful it stops you dead in your tracks and for one brief moment all is right in the world. Perhaps you see a baby bunny hopping across a field. Maybe it’s the innocent smile of a child. Sometimes it’s the tiniest things that make you feel the warmth of the universe around you, like one fly banging the crap out of another fly.

Not only was I lucky enough to witness this act of love, I was lucky enough to snap a photo on my phone before the little guy finished up and started making excuses about a big meeting he had in the morning. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about? MEN!

The point is, there is nothing more magnificent than watching a fly do it doggie style. I’ve seen the Grand Canyon and it is nothing more than a crack in the sidewalk compared to the love-making I witnessed today. This fly took his time and knew what the hell he was doing too. You men out there could learn a thing or two from this little shit-eater. He was stroking her hair, kissing her wings and smacking her ass with that teenie tiny little hand of his. It was… I’m speechless.

God bless us all.

I’m going to throw up.

God really fucked up when he created the centipede. I mean what the hell was he thinking? If his intention was to create an insect so creepy that it could cause me to piss my pants every time I see one, then bravo God, you win! There is only one thing worse than a living centipede, and that’s a freshly killed centipede. It’s not enough that they look like an 8th grade mustache scooting across your wall when they are alive, but they somehow manage to look even more disgusting when dead with their twitching, hairy legs.

Way to go God, you dick.