Tag Archive 'supermarkets'

Jan 15 2009

TVs at gas stations and supermarket checkouts!

Checkout TVs

Can’t I just buy these Funyuns in peace? I’m already freaked out by being left alone in line, do I really need to have Rachel Ray scream a panini recipe in my face while I wait to check out? Can’t I just fill up my tank without having clips of “Two and a Half Men” forced upon me? Can’t I ride in uncomfortable silence in this elevator rather than listen to the latest gossip about Sarah Jessica Parker’s troubled marriage?

Now, if they were to play People’s Court on these ever-present TVs I would be overjoyed! Yes, put a TV playing People’s Court on every surface I see. I want to see Judge Marilyn Milian’s face smiling back at me when I’m peeing in a public restroom. I want to see the tough but lovable bailiff Douglas McIntosh on my ceiling when I hop into bed at the end of a long day. When my eyes are closed I want to hear the deep, sexy voice of Curt Chaplin delivering difficult but fair questions in the halls of People’s Court. Oh, and how could I leave out that beautiful son of a bitch Harvey Levin? I want that motherfucker permanently implanted onto the back of my eyelids. I want People’s Court on one eyelid and TMZ on the other!

Wait, what was I talking about?

18 responses so far

Dec 04 2008

Being left alone in line at the store!

Published by under Jerks,Why?!?

Here’s the scene… you are in line at the supermarket with someone making a purchase. You are close enough to the front of the line to read all about Jenifer Aniston’s broken heart when all of a sudden your shopping partner says “oh wait, I will be right back I need to grab something” and they disappear into the ether. What?

I immediately start to panic. What if they don’t make it back in time? I’m already in the belly of the beast, I’m past the magazine perimeter! I’m in the CANDY ZONE! Am I going to have to remove everything from the conveyor belt? Fuck! Why would anyone do this to me?

Sure, they always casually show up just in time and everything works out but what the hell, I almost had a heart attack. I’m not kidding, I HATE being left in line alone!

9 responses so far