You just made my list!

First off, sorry for the non-post. I’m fucking busy so get off my back!

Secondly, shut up. Rather than complain about something in my irreverent and hilarious way, I wanted to change things up and report some You Just Made My List news. For the first time, someone on my list has contacted the site. No, it’s wasn’t Guy Fieri and no, it wasn’t a grapefruit. I’m pretty sure Guy is too busy calling various food items “bad boy” and masturbating to the movie “Swingers” to visit this website. I wonder if Guy screams “You’re so MONEY” as he has an orgasm?

Sorry, I was just throwing up for the last 2 hours but now I’m back. Nope, I have to go barf again, be right back.

OK, there’s nothing left in my stomach to puke up so I will continue. The mystery “celebrity” is Nathan Schwartz, the texting world champion. You may remember Nathan for doing something with a cell phone. I don’t. Either way, Nathan left a comment admitting that he failed as a human being a few weeks ago and I have decided to forgive him. I can see how he won the competition with his lack of punctuation and abbreviated words.

So Nathan Schwartz, I salute you for being the first “lister” to have enough time on your hands to google yourself and find this website. I’m glad you had the balls to stop by and say hello. Although you will remain on my list, I am still giving you a cyber high-five for leaving a comment. Now go get a God damn job and stop googling yourself! LMAO!

(I was able to verify that it was really Nathan who left the comment)

See Nathan’s comment here

FINALLY, we have a texting world champion and his name is Nathan Schwartz. Did you go to a kick ass texting world championship party like me? I went to my friend Joey’s house and it was fucking packed ass to elbow. IT-WAS-OFF-THE-HOOK! Oh, and what was your favorite texting world championship commercial this year?

FUCK OFF! What is happening to the world I live in? I relate to my fellow humans less and less every day.

This is you to me: “Hey jerk, this was just a corporate publicity event for blah blah blah.”

Me to you: “Inhale my FART!” I know that this was just a way for some company to create a viral video (and here I am like an asshole helping them) but it does not make me hate everyone involved any less. Maybe I’m just jealous that it takes me about 45 minutes to type “sounds good, see you there” on my cell phone. I should try “sdz gd c u thr” next time.

Actual footage of the world ending

I need a nap.