You just made my list!

When you were a child and your parents assured you there was no such thing as the boogeyman… they were wrong. There is a boogeyman and his name is Jaime Gomez or “Taboo Nawasha” or whatever the fuck.

What is up with this turd? Actually, what is up with the whole “band?” What am I missing with this group of misfit toys? Everyone seems to like, or at least tolerate, the Black Eyed Peas but I can’t find a single reason for this phenomenon. Especially with this creepy Medieval Times reject running around like a robot ninja all over the stage.

“Taboo” reminds me of an even more annoying version of the already incredibly annoying Anthony Kiedis. Wait, is it possible they are the same person? They both have that long, flowing hair by Herbal Essence. They both have that Cro-Mag face. They both love to wear gloves at inappropriate times. And the biggest giveaway is their mutual love of incessant karate chopping.

I think this is a conspiracy theory I can get behind.

Today while waiting in line at a local eatery I felt a creepy presence behind me and I knew, without even turning around, my personal space had been entered. He entered my little personal universe and ruined it! By the way, I love the word eatery, I like that it turns a verb into a noun. I’m going to start referring to all places like that from now on – i.e. the bathroom will now be known as “the poopery.”

Sorry. The worst part about this space invader is that at the time I was checking my email on my phone and this turd was literally only a foot behind me and possibly looking over my shoulder. I stepped forward but he followed as if we were attached by an invisible creepy rope. I closed my email, opened up the little iPhone notepad and wrote “people who violate my personal space.” I hope he read it.

Barf! I can’t fucking stand the sight of Irish Dancing. It literally gives me the creeps.

It’s hard for me to put my finger on exactly why I have such a violent reaction to this supposedly joyful event but here are a few things that come to mind.

1) It looks like a bunch of kids with leg braces trying to dance while simultaneously crapping their pants.
2) It’s often loud and stompy and startles me.
3) They don’t move their arms and it makes me uncomfortable.
4) The WIGS! Those stupid creepy wigs they wear. WHY?

Like I said, barf.