Tag Archive 'boring'

Nov 10 2010

Hungry Hungry Hippos!

hungry hungry hippos sucks

Yeah, that’s right, Hungry Hungry Hippos sucks and it’s about time someone was brave enough to say it.

This is where you get all angry and proclaim “It’s a classic!” to which I reply, “It’s a classic piece of shit, just like the Titanic was a classic ship or the Hindenburg was a totally classic way to travel.” I am so tired of being right all the time.

What good is a game with zero strategy that takes zero skill to play? You literally only need a finger and the ability to slightly move said finger. What’s that? Don’t have a finger? Fine, use your toe. I’m sorry, you don’t have arms OR legs? No biggie, use your tongue, your goal to eat balls will not be affected.

According to Wikipedia, which is never wrong, Hungry Hungry Hippos was invented by Hasbro senior game designer, Dickass McShitstain, while high on ether.

Fuck off Hungry Hungry Hippos.

13 responses so far

Mar 02 2010

The Olympics!

I hate the olympics

Am I the only person who hates the Olympics?

I used to like the Olympics when they held the winter and summer Olympics together every four years. It felt special and important, but now that we are treated to the Olympics every two years it just becomes annoying.

I especially hate the winter Olympics. Nothing sends my balls further into my body than god damn motherfucking figure skating! If I want to see men in tight pants manhandle Eastern European women wearing too much eye makeup, I would watch my own fantasies. I love it when the ice dancers get all “wacky” and do something silly and whimsical. OH BOY DO I LOVE ME SOME WHIMSY!

Let’s all hop in our time machines and take a trip back to 1990, when Microsoft released the exciting Windows 3.0 and C+C Music Factory was raping your ears with “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now).”

9 responses so far

Jan 22 2009

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump!

I have already ranted about how much I hated The Curious Case of Benjamin Button but I had to share this chunk of awesomeness with you!

5 responses so far

Jan 06 2009

The Curious Case of Benjamin Boring!


Thank God I was lucky enough to see this piece of crap for free thanks to an advance DVD. I think I may have literally gone insane had I seen it in a theater.

For the record, I wanted to see this movie and I wanted to like it. I really like most of David Fincher’s movies and I even like Brad Pitt. Side note: if you look up “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” on IMDB, Brad Pitt is not listed in the cast. Kind of a dis considering he is in every scene.

While watching this movie I had an uneasy feeling, the exact feeling I had while watching “Forrest Gump.” It’s a feeling I can only describe as being inappropriately touched by a tiny crowd of “Love Is” figurines while being force fed a bag of sugar. Benjamin Buttons might be the biggest “aw shucks” movie of all time, even more so than Gump. Oh by the way, guess why it reminded me of Forrest Gump? Both movies share the screenwriting magic of Eric Roth! Turd.

For a movie that tells the entire life story of a man, a man who ages in reverse no less, it’s incredibly BORING! Not to mention, this film clocks in at around 7 hours and 35 minutes. I took a 45 minute nap and had no problem picking up the action when I awoke because all I missed was a 45 minute scene of Brad Pitt drinking tea.

Go see The Wrestler instead. Great movie.

8 responses so far

Dec 19 2008

Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith and their boring family!

will smith sucks

Holy shit does Will Smith and the rest of his boring family suck! The Smith/Pinkett Smith dynasty is so average and boring I’m having a hard time coming up with words that sufficiently describe their mega suckitude.

Oh my god, I literally just remembered his shit music! When I started writing this rant I totally forgot about his musical “talent”. Fuck this guy and his blandy blandness!

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are like red apples, everyone likes them but when you really think about it they suck. Sure you can sort of enjoy a red apple (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) but half way through that apple you realize you have had enough and move on to more kickass fruits like grapes or oranges and never look back.

14 responses so far