Stop the madness! Just get married without trying to prove to everyone that you are “the most funnest, kickass couple in Terre Haute, Indiana and all of the surrounding Wabash Valley!” Stop trying to be the last story on the local news. The last story on the news is reserved for important stories, like the various activities of kittens and the kooky places they get stuck.
Is it wrong that 1% of me wants to see one of these “weddings” end in tragedy? That seems wrong. Maybe not tragedy, but is it too much to ask for a couple of broken legs that totally ruin their Six Flags honeymoon? I bet if you broke both legs during your skydive wedding, the local news would do the story before the sports.
And the award for the least loving, most soulless, awkward kiss goes to… Lee and Ann Marie from the eHarmony commercial!
Poor Lee was going in a hundred different directions before he met Ann Marie. Lee has been saved! I practically see this couple in my sleep thanks to this never-ending ad campaign.
Call me crazy but I swear if you pay attention to the body language in this commercial Lee is not really that into Ann Marie. I’m guessing Ann Marie is the driving force in this relationship and SHE probably proposed to HIM! Lee looks like a kidnapped journalist forced to read a statement by his terrorist captors while they stand beside him with machine guns. Seriously, watch the part where they talk about knowing when you have found the right person. Ann Marie makes sure to remind Lee that “he knows” she is the one. She sticks that gun right against his face and screams “You know! You know! American rock and roll pig, YOU KNOW! Mr. McDonalds Pac Man, YOU KNOW!”
I also like that she can’t pronounce the name Lee. It’s one syllable and it rhymes with “tea” not “bay.” Ann Marie better be careful though because it sounds like Lee has a bit of an anger management problem and if you mispronounce his name he could fucking snap!
I know this makes me a dick but I just can’t stand wacky, public marriage proposals. When I see some turd at some at some sporting event publicly professing his turd love to some turdy woman I just want to throw my nachos at them. This is only a fantasy however because those nachos probably cost $12 dollars and I am going to literally lick that plastic tray clean to get my money’s worth.
So what makes me, the cheese licking tightwad, so much better than the aforementioned turd who simply wants to express his love in front of a bunch of drunks just so he can get on the news? I just am!
I can’t be the only person who does not feel the need to witness other people’s proposals. It’s a private moment so keep it the hell out of my nachos.
I don’t really feel like putting any effort into this tonight so please forgive me for what is probably going to be my most boring post ever. It does not help that my subject matter, Judd from The Real World San Francisco, is quite possibly the most boring person on the planet.
First of all Judd, WE GET IT, you are better than us, you aren’t homophobic and you aren’t afraid to hug a guy with AIDS. Now that we cleared that up maybe he can stop trying to live his life through Perdo Zamora.
Secondly, Judd shot his douchebag score off the charts by marrying a fellow Real Worlder. I just barfed a little. This is the same girl that sad sack Judd helped go on a romantic (paddle boats?) date with her boyfriend. I seem to remember Judd dressing up in a tuxedo and paddling alone in a separate boat with his giant, tear-filled puppy dog eyes. What a tool.
And how can we forget his comic strip “Nuts and Bolts?” Enough said.
My favorite Judd fact has to be this doozy from his wiki page, “Winick proposed to Ling in March 2000, wearing a gorilla suit.” If that doesn’t make you want to kick him square in his vagina I don’t know what could.
