You just made my list!

So, I’m watching “Check Please” on PBS, trying to fight the urge to nap, when all of a sudden Comcast is nice enough to offer me a chance to pledge $40 with my remote while I sit on my lazy ass. Thanks Comcast and PBS but, what are the words I’m searching for… um… go fuck yourself!

I didn’t think it was possible for PBS to find another way to ask for my money. The other night I climbed into bed and was startled to find Charlie Rose hiding under the covers. After 45 minutes of negotiating I agreed to pledge $63 and he agreed to not enter my house for a minimum of three months. Look PBS, I don’t mind your normal pledge drives because, in Chicago at least, that means a kickass Geoffrey Baer marathon, but do you really need to pop your high-tech “will work for food” message over one of your own program. It’s annoying to the viewer and it’s disrespectful to the idiots fighting over linguine with clams on Check Please.

Believe it or not, it actually gets worse than this. A few weeks ago I was watching Friends… yeah, THAT Friends, the one you know you secretly like but are too much of a pussy to just come out and love it in the open. Just give in and embrace the warm glow of Friends. ANYWAY, I was watching the gang down at Central Perk be hilarious and awesome, when all of a sudden a giant fucking ad pops up on the lower 1/3 of the screen. I’m not talking about the typical “Stay tuned, the Jim Belushi train wreck is up next” kind of ad. No no no, this was an ad for something COMPLETELY unrelated to the network. I can’t remember what it was but I created this simulation for you…

Are you understanding the severity of the situation here? Networks are starting to pop up ads for crap DURING shows. What the hell is this, YouTube? And what kind of a psycho, anti-American, son-of-a-bitch has the balls to interrupt the brilliant pacing and comedy magic that oozes from every episode of Friends?

I feel like punching a baby!

Well it’s official, I hate everyone in modern society. PBS is going to stop syndicating one of the all-time best children’s programs, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, because of “declining ratings.” A spokesperson for PBS had this to say, “I’m a big fat asshole, and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

Let’s get one thing straight (3 things actually), Fred Rogers rules as a person, as an educator and as a TV host. He was more than a host really. He created the show, wrote the scripts, wrote all the songs and even did the voices of the puppets, for 33 years! Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was a labor of love and all kidding aside I think Fred Rogers was an incredibly great man. The world needs more people like him.

I guess I’m so pissed because here’s another example of how our society has changed for the worse. Kids need to practically have a seizure from bright colors and flashing bullshit or they won’t watch a TV show. You know what, that’s not true. Kids have not changed but what they are exposed to has. I loved – LOVED – Mr. Rogers when I was a kid and I know for a fact he helped shape me into the person I am today. OK, maybe I shouldn’t use myself as an example of a Mr. Rogers success story but he must have helped some other people grow into normal, happy people.

You know what PBS, Fred Rogers was there for you when the government was going to cut your funding in half. In fact he saved your nerd asses with a simple 7 minute speech to a Senate subcommittee in 1969. How about you repay the favor and keep this amazing, timeless show on the air.

SAVE MR. ROGERS’ NEIGHBORHOOD by clicking here

Watch this clip and tell me this guy doesn’t rule.