My complaint about the FreeCreditReport.com “Pirate” commercial is really a back-handed compliment I guess. That fucking song gets stuck in my head and hangs out in there well past its welcome. The party has cleared, the music has been turned off, I’m doing dishes and that stupid jingle is still hanging out on my brain couch. Leave already you dick!
I have every word of this commercial memorized and often find myself humming it. It used to only happen just after seeing the ad but now it will pop into my head at all hours of the day or night. Weather permitting, I ride a scooter and due to the lack of radio and my borderline OCD brain I will often have one song loop over and over in my mind for an entire 2 hour ride. Sadly I will catch myself singing “They say a man should always dress for the job he wants, so why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant…” over and over until I force another song in my head.
In case you care, which you don’t, the guy in the commercial is some Canadian singer/songwriter/actor named Eric Violette. I’m guessing poor Eric gets recognized and then promptly punched in the balls at least 4 times daily. That’s an average of 2 punches per ball, per day.
Let me be VERY clear I LOVE animals and am endlessly thankful for people who devote their lives to helping them. I’m one of those ridiculous people who sees a homeless guy with a dog and thinks “I hope that dog is getting enough to eat.” I am glad there are people like Sarah McLachlan who use their celebrity to do something noble. Finally, the thought of a person being cruel to an animal literally turns my stomach.
Having said all of that, I can’t reach the remote fast enough when this commercial comes on the TV. It’s not the commercial’s fault, I just can’t stand to see slow motion shots of sad/abused/forgotten animals. To date, I have only seen the first 3 seconds of this ad and it’s enough to ruin my day. I always change the channel immediately. The problem is that the commercial is so long I always turn back too soon and find a pair of sad doggie eyes staring at me from behind cage bars.
Oh, and now there’s a new sad animal commercial with polar bears clinging to life on a tiny chunk of ice. Jesus Christ, I just want to watch People’s Court without crying!
If the economy didn’t suck and I had some extra cash I would be more than happy to donate to the ASPCA. So I guess that means you will have to donate in my honor. If you don’t, I will email sad animal photos to you every day. Don’t be like me, donate to The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
We get it, God loves you best! Now stop having children you weirdos!
There is no doubt in my mind Jim Bob (shocker) and Michelle Duggar are addicted to the constant attention they receive for having such a ridiculous amount of children. In fact, they even have a show on TLC called “18 and Counting.” They remind me of parents with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy disorder. They must be the talk of Arkansas every time they go to Wal-Mart or Pizza Hut. They are like people who cover their face in tattoos, “LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!”
I think it’s really sad that there are couples out there struggling to have just ONE child while this woman poos out kids like she’s a dog at a puppy mill. What really kind of sickens me though is the amount of unwanted children in the world who would give anything for a home, even with these creeps, but the Duggars just can’t stop fucking long enough to consider adoption. How does this sound… have 8 or 9 kids and adopt or foster the other 10. Everyone wins.
By the way, these assholes have said they would love to have more children. If that isn’t a cry for attention I don’t know what is.
Thank God I was lucky enough to see this piece of crap for free thanks to an advance DVD. I think I may have literally gone insane had I seen it in a theater.
For the record, I wanted to see this movie and I wanted to like it. I really like most of David Fincher’s movies and I even like Brad Pitt. Side note: if you look up “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” on IMDB, Brad Pitt is not listed in the cast. Kind of a dis considering he is in every scene.
While watching this movie I had an uneasy feeling, the exact feeling I had while watching “Forrest Gump.” It’s a feeling I can only describe as being inappropriately touched by a tiny crowd of “Love Is” figurines while being force fed a bag of sugar. Benjamin Buttons might be the biggest “aw shucks” movie of all time, even more so than Gump. Oh by the way, guess why it reminded me of Forrest Gump? Both movies share the screenwriting magic of Eric Roth! Turd.
For a movie that tells the entire life story of a man, a man who ages in reverse no less, it’s incredibly BORING! Not to mention, this film clocks in at around 7 hours and 35 minutes. I took a 45 minute nap and had no problem picking up the action when I awoke because all I missed was a 45 minute scene of Brad Pitt drinking tea.
You are waiting in a long line at a restaurant. Well, actually more like a local hot dog or burger joint that is always busy. It’s a long line that holds more people than the amount of seating in the restaurant. To the untrained eye, the eye of a selfish prick for example, it seems almost certain that you will get your food but will be unable to find an open table at which to feed your fat face. So it looks like you have a real problem on your hands. Oh my god, what should you do, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
I’ll tell you what normal people do, they wait in line, get their food and sit at the table that inevitably opens up just in time. Now the amateur, or “asshole,” will choose a different path, a darker path. They will rip apart the fabric that holds society together. These jerks will send a member of their group to save a table although they still have a good 10 minutes of line to wait in. I have two words for these people… go-fuck-yourself-you-table-saving-buttholes.
As soon as you jump the line to save a table you throw the entire symbiotic relationship of the people waiting and the people eating. In these types of restaurants the crowd generally eats quickly and leaves which means by the time you get your food a table will be waiting for you. But these selfish jerks fuck it up for everyone. They create panic and discord in the herd. They need to be stopped.
The real reason this gets me so red in the face is not so much that I am worried I will not find a table, rather it’s just another case of my fellow man acting selfish and remaining unaware that other people exist. Just wait your turn like everyone else.
I literally forgot to write for the blog today. The last two weeks have been an endless parade of meat, cheese and booze.
Here’s me as a little kid. Look how angry and disappointed with life I am already. I am obviously putting the photographer and his crappy studio on my list while this photo is being snapped. Click on it to zoom in and see all my baby rage!
