Tag Archive 'holidays'

Dec 24 2010

Merry Christmas from Creed!

Published by under Jerks

scott stapp creed christmas card

What, you expect me to write on Christmas eve? I don’t get a day off to celebrate the day before the fake birthday of a guy who may, or may not, have actually existed?

Here, you want a post? I hate people who trample other people for Holiday sales at various shit-filled stores. Can you imagine taking your final breath on the floor of a Walmart while hundreds of fat-asses in sweatpants callously walk across your dying body so they can get a fucking Xbox for their shitty, meth-addicted, Juggalo children at a 20% discount?

Now I’m in a bad mood. Christmas is canceled!

6 responses so far

Dec 01 2010

The holidays are killing me softly with their words!

Just wrapping up another 15 hour work day! Ahhhh life, you are a constant joy. The end result is me neglecting my duties as world’s best blogger.

Here’s a cat with its head in a bag. Shut up.

9 responses so far

Nov 23 2010

I am awesome, it’s the world that sucks!

Prepare to be disappointed by me this week because I’m not going to have much free time to write. Perhaps that is the opposite of disappointing to you. Either way, it’s the holidays, I’m working my dick off, I’m driving all over the Midwest seeing family and I’m not finding a lot of time to express my correct opinions about everything. I’m going to do my best to be back tomorrow.

Suck it.

20 responses so far

Aug 26 2010

People who are too fucking lazy to take their Christmas decorations down!

Published by under Jerks

christmas decorations and lights still up in summer

Merry Christmas, can someone turn up the air conditioning?

I realize the NASCAR season eats up a lot of your time and now that Cheaters is on twice a day it’s hard find a free moment but maybe it’s time to put your snowman and candy canes away. Either that or just burn your house down. Just burn it to the ground and walk away.

I recently read that a house with Christmas lights dangling from its sad gutters in August has a 36% chance of containing a fully-clothed corpse sitting in a chair and is four times more likely to have at least one bathtub that is used as a toilet. I think it was in Newsweek or possibly The Economist.

24 responses so far

Jul 03 2010

AMERICA RULES, FUCK YOU!

Published by under Awesome!

USA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA, STAY PERFECT!

AMERICA america

Piligrim_and_indianAMERICA

America america America

America

Let freedom ring

cu-im-out-lata

13 responses so far

Dec 29 2009

The holidays are killing me softly with fat and booze!

I’m going to try and write something real tomorrow but these fucking holidays are killing me! I’m so popular that EVERYONE wants me at their party. I never get a free moment to just sit and watch People’s Court anymore. I’m also moving in a couple weeks, so that’s sucking my ass too.

To make it up to you, I will share my favorite song about Canada.

3 responses so far

Dec 24 2009

Go celebrate your dumb holiday and leave me alone!

Published by under Awesome!

scared of santa

It’s 2:43 am and I simply have nothing to complain about right now. I just got home from a night of drinks with old friends and for once I’m in a good mood. I guess Listy is getting soft, and for this I apologize.

I hope you all have a great Holiday, thanks for listening to my bullshit. Except Guy Fieri, I hope his Christmas sucks major ass and is not at all “money.”

13 responses so far

Nov 25 2009

Leave me alone, it’s Thanksgiving!

turkey thanksgiving tv dinner

I’m taking a couple days off to eat myself to death. When I return on Monday I plan on weighing an additional 15 lbs.

Happy Thanksgiving jerks!

11 responses so far

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