Dec 03 2008
Being sick!
I rarely get sick anymore thanks to a year I spent working out of a friend's home. Her kids showered me in sneezes, boogers and dirty hands giving me every virus known to man in the process. I was literally sick for at least 3 months straight. Now, thanks to my new super immune system and relatively clean living, I only get sick about once a year. Now is that time.
I want to die. I hate being sick. All I can think about is the fact that I can't remember what it feels like NOT to be sick.
Sorry, this is a boring post but I'M SICK!
I also hate that girl, Kari Byron, on Mythbusters. She is about 93% less hot than she thinks she is. I proved it with science. 
Oh brother, these people are the worst! Let me clarify... people who exercise are not on my list and people who feel better about themselves after a workout are also not on my list. I'm talking about the people who practically have a boner while exercising because they love it so much. I'm talking about people who enjoy working out WHILE working out.
For the record I exercise regularly. In fact I do this incredibly difficult workout called "super slow" that sounds stupid but I dare any of you to try it. It is fucking TORTURE! Super slow takes your body to its absolute limit and then goes past that limit until you want to cry. I would punch my trainer in her face if I could only lift my arms after one of her torture sessions. Shortly after exercising I feel great and proud of myself but I literally hate every second of the workout. I HATE IT!
I also belong to a normal gym and I see these people who love every second of it. They never leave! They are there every time I go. These people are evil and need to be stopped before they take over the world with their ripped abs and oily nipples.
Side note: do you really have to get naked at your locker and walk to the shower with your junk flapping around? Can't you wear a towel and get naked just before entering the shower? Sunday I was at the gym and I turned my head to find a hairy dick no more than a foot from my face. Why? This guy walked around naked like he was the last guy on the planet. 
Enough is enough! I am seriously so fucking sick of people wearing their stupid hats crooked on their empty heads. What message are they trying to send? "Hey man, I don't play by the rules." Fuuuuuck yooooou! They are all a bunch of douchebag lemmings who couldn't produce an original thought if they tried. In general I'm sick and tired of everyone walking around like they are straight outta Compton. I'm at the end of my rope with all this ghetto culture bullshit. Every decade has their lame ass fashion fad. In the 90's it was flannels tied around the waist and now it's these god damn crooked fucking hats.
How did I get to be the coolest person in the world?!? 
WOW, did I ever just witness something! I didn't even realize the Smashing Pumpkins were still a band when I was offered a free ticket (a very good ticket) tonight. I figured it would at least be decent. It's their 20th anniversary and I live in Chicago, their friggin' hometown.
Instead, myself and a thousand other EXTREMELY patient fans were treated to the most bloated, self-indulgent, egomaniacal, boring, never-ending guitar solo, jamming, noodle fest. This was big baby Billy Corgan's official "fuck you" to the people who supported him for 20 years. He was downright rude and unbelievably arrogant throughout the entire concert. We had to suffer through 30-minute songs and 15-minute guitar solos. The audience was given thumbs down by Billy when he asked us to sing "Today" and apparently it wasn't to his liking. Billy proclaimed himself to be the "king of rock and roll" and "the god of metal" and then challenged us to "die for rock and roll." Fuck off. We had to watch him play the fucking kettle drums for 15 minutes before they finally ended the show with a chorus of Kazoos. Ha ha, fuck you audience! They refused to play any recognizable songs. When the audience became restless, Billy said "Last time I checked we were an alternative band." Check again Billy, you are playing an expensive show in one of the swankiest theaters in the country and the audience is made up of 40 year olds who arrived from the suburbs in minivans.
I'm not a super fan so I actually thought it was entertaining to watch Billy act like a big baby all night but I genuinly felt bad for the people who paid a lot of money to watch a rich kid have a temper tantrum. It was the most ridiculous concert I have ever seen. 
Here's the thing about tapas, I love to EAT tapas and that's where the problem begins. Any time I go to a tapas restaurant I end up eating approximately one cube of potato, three pieces of bread and an olive. But wait, when I looked at the table it was covered in food. There were miniature plates everywhere!
I suppose it's really my fault for not taking more food from each tiny plate as they whiz by. I just feel guilty taking too much when 10 people are trying to share food from plates that belong in a doll house. Half the time I don't even get to taste the food I ordered. I just sit there and watch like a hungry dog as my dish travels around the table. As it passes through the filthy hands of my soon to be ex-friends I watch as the cubes of cheese I ordered begin to disappear. I quickly do the math and realize no cheese will be entering my mouth hole this evening. I fantasize about 
Who watches this shit? Seriously, I want names!
Who wants to waste their time watching a bunch of nouveau riche diva assholes walking around like their shit don't stink when OBVIOUSLY their shit do stink. Oh man, does it ever stink! There seems to be an endless supply of these jerks and and even more endlesser supply of people who want to watch them do nothing all day long. The list is long with crap like The Hills, Kimora Lee Simons, The Kardashians, The Housewives, My Super Sweet 16, etc. What is the fascination with these useless pieces of shit?
If I had a teenage child, especially a girl, I don't think I could own a TV. If my kid ever displayed any of the obnoxious traits these reality TV "stars" so proudly flaunt they would be on their way to military school the next morning.
I occasionally like bad TV and I understand the soap opera appeal of shows like The Real Housewives but it's just getting out of hand. There is something so painfully pathetic about a country on the brink of financial ruin that still focuses so much attention on these creepy jerks.
I need to take a shower. 
Sorry, I need a day off from bitching. Well, really it's just because I ran out of time today but tomorrow I will complain extra hard!
Feel free to comment with anything that's on your list but just don't make it funnier than my posts! 
I am going to force myself to keep this brief because when I start talking about the subject of gay marriage my fucking blood beings to boil. I can LITERALLY feel my chest tighten right now as I type this. So this will be short or I will die.
If you don't know, a vote YES on prop 8 means you are voting for a ban on gay marriage. This ridiculous legislation just passed in California with 52.5% in favor of the ban and 47.5% in favor of gay marriage. While the rest of the country took a gigantic step forward with Tuesday's election these fucking assholes took California back to the stone age. It sickens me.
I will NEVER understand why a person would give two shits about who marries who. It can not possibly affect anyone if two men or women who are in love get married. Simple as that. Oh, but you know right wingers operate solely on fear. Fear of gays, fear of a black president, fear of science, fear of immigrants, and most of all fear of their own sexual desires. I am not saying everyone who is against gay marriage is a closeted homosexual but those right wing, conservative, religious nuts have the most fucked up sexual fantasies on the planet.
The Mormon church spent MILLIONS working towards this ban. Can you imagine that? Think of all the people in need who they could have helped with that money but they decided it was more important that two people in a loving, committed relationship are not given the same basic freedom all Americans deserve. I'm sorry, but why is it OK for Moroms to marry like 10 women at a time?
This is not what America is all about. After Obama's historic win Tuesday it is kind of easy to relax and think we fixed America. Now that the dust has cleared it's time for all freedom loving people to do what they can to support your fellow Americans whether or not you agree with their lifestyle. We do not get to pick and choose who is free in this country, we all are. 
