Remember the good old days when Americans could not only speak English but also understand it when spoken? Are we really this dumb?
English subtitles for English-speaking people used to only be reserved for soccer hooligans on BBC America and Oasis interviews, but now it’s commonplace to see subtitles used for Americans on American television! Should we not be worried that TV programs feel the need to use subtitles under people from fucking Florida? FLORIDA! Oh god, I feel a rage spiral coming on.
I’m going to be extremely lazy (and lame) and re-post my 4th of July entry from last year. Why? 50% laziness and 50% because when I originally wrote this I had much less readers and I don’t want a single drop of my awesome thoughts to go to waste. So have a great holiday weekend and try to not blow your stupid fingers off with fireworks. Also, don’t be a total piece of shit and drive drunk. Wait, that sort of sounds like I’m implying if you DON’T drive drunk then you are a piece of shit. Just don’t drive drunk you dick.
Nothing shows lady America that you love her like wrapping your smelly pubes in her flag! Thanks for the freedom, now kiss my taint.
Am I wrong to assume that most people who actually walk around in American flag clothing are strongly against the desecration of old glory? Yet these same super-patriots don’t think twice about ripping apart the very flag they claim to hold so dear and jamming their fat, sweaty body parts into it. I think the flag would rather die a quick death from burning than spend the next 15 years pressed against your wiener.
I fully understand what the flag stands for and why people love and respect it. My grandfather fought in WWII and I can remember how upset it would make him to see the flag touch the ground, even if it was a small child letting his tiny flag touch the ground while scrambling for candy at a 4th of July parade. Not angry upset but more like the emotion you would feel if you saw someone accidentally knock your grandmother over and keep walking. It was genuinely heartbreaking to him.
The flag meant something VERY real to him and he was willing to die for it. I wonder how many people would be willing to die for their American flag flip flops? Isn’t it the same thing? What makes one object covered in stars and stripes different from the next? If some dirty hippie can’t burn the flag why can you literally get shit and piss on it while you walk around the state fair? Are you starting to see how smart I am yet? Did you notice my last 5 sentences ended with question marks? Does that make me a bad writer? Probably.
Last night got a way from me and I didn’t get a chance to share my brilliance with the world. So this morning I decided in honor of the upcoming celebration of America’s independence, that I would simply post the “America, Fuck Yeah” song from Team America: World Police. Well, since I could not find it in under 1 minute on Youtube, I gave up. That’s the spirit! That’s the American way! However, I did find this clip. I think it speaks for itself. Either that or it says nothing, I can’t decide.
I’m going to keep this short because this subject literally elevates my heart rate to a dangerous level.
There really is absolutely no reason we should have to debate gay marriage. Not only is it un-American to deny this right, it is inhumane. Why the fucking fuck would anyone give a shit if two people who love each other want to get married?!? It’s so ridiculous that I honestly can barely gather my thoughts enough to finish this.
The fact that two people get married, whether they be straight or gay, has nothing to do with your existence. Life will go on exactly the same so worry about your happiness and don’t deny others theirs.
One more thing, if you support gay marriage and are straight you should still be out there protesting. This is an issue of basic civil rights and we should stand together.
I try to avoid the mall. Not because of some great protest against consumerism or because I think I’m better than mall shoppers, it’s really just that I don’t shop very often.
The last time I visited the mall I made the mistake of walking into a Hollister store, or maybe it was an Abercrombie & Fitch, and thought that I had accidentally walked into a haunted house or possibly that I had a stroke which rendered me blind. Have you been in these stupid pieces of shit? They should hand out fucking night vision goggles at the door because you can’t see a god damn thing! Apparently the easiest way to show that your store is cool(?) is to turn the lights off and watch your confused customers bump into each other like blind mice in a maze. Maybe this is a sign of being “old” but I can’t spend more than zero seconds in one of these dungeons without feeling like I am part of a sadistic experiment.
What’s the appeal of their clothing anyway? Why is everyone so happy to wear a shirt that simply says “Hollister” across the chest? I don’t fucking need to know where you purchased your shitty shirt, I can already guess. Oh, and another thing, not only can you not SEE in these stores, you also can’t BREATHE! I’m not sure if it’s the Axe Effect oozing from every douchebag in the store or if they pump in some mind controlling chemical that turns you into a dcouchebag, but either way you will find yourself crawling in the dark desperately trying to find the door.
I have always hated American Idol but this season has taken me over the edge. For some reason I keep seeing it every week. Specifically I keep catching this season’s “rocker” Adam Lambert perform, and each time I want to dig my eyes out of my skull and shove them down my ears while smashing my face through the TV. I fucking hate the fuck out of this prancing turd and his eye makeup. I would spend every penny I own (which is like 207 pennies) just to have the chance to kick him in the smooth area where his balls should be.
Music is dead. No, the music industry is dead. Everyone, including supposed indie bands, are so fucking into their look and their image now. Even a band like the Strokes, who pretend to be dirty and disheveled, spend just as much time picking out their outfits as the American Idol douchewads. Fuck everyone, what happened to awesome, ugly, dirty, sweaty bands like the Minutemen or the Replacements?
If this clip of Adam Lambert taking a shit all over Johnny Cash doesn’t make you want to go on a killing spree then you need to kindly punch yourself in your penis and/or vagina.
Nothing shows lady America that you love her like wrapping your smelly pubes in her flag! Thanks for the freedom, now kiss my taint.
