You just made my list!

Wow.

Click for more Sarah Palin Fashion tips!

Seriously? Huh? Not possible! NOT POSSIBLE! Someone wake me from this nightmare!

If you buy a treadmill for your child DCFS should remove them from your home and you should be immediately sterilized by a brutal smashing of said treadmill to your baby maker.

Just like when I discussed baby helmets, I am only referring to people who put normal, healthy kids on a treadmill. If they need baby-sized treadmills for some sort of physical therapy that’s fine, but if you would rather see your dumb kid taking a walk in your living room rather than playing outside like a normal human then there is something wrong with you and soon there will be something wrong with your child.

If my child asked me for one of these contraptions I would make them live outside in the wild for a week as punishment. Think of all the exercise little Bobby would get foraging for berries and building rudimentary shelters. Perhaps he will have to run from a family of rabid raccoons, I don’t know but that kid is going to lose at least 8 lbs without the aid of a god damn treadmill. Problem solved.

I know this makes me a dick but I just can’t stand wacky, public marriage proposals. When I see some turd at some at some sporting event publicly professing his turd love to some turdy woman I just want to throw my nachos at them. This is only a fantasy however because those nachos probably cost $12 dollars and I am going to literally lick that plastic tray clean to get my money’s worth.

So what makes me, the cheese licking tightwad, so much better than the aforementioned turd who simply wants to express his love in front of a bunch of drunks just so he can get on the news? I just am!

I can’t be the only person who does not feel the need to witness other people’s proposals. It’s a private moment so keep it the hell out of my nachos.

I would really rather be writing about something frivolous but I just can’t bite my tongue about this disgusting duo and what they have been up to the last week.

John McCain and Sarah Palin should be ashamed of themselves for calling Barack Obama a terrorist. Don’t try and argue that they are not calling him a terrorist because that is exactly what they are doing and they know it. They also know it is a lie, a bald-faced lie. In a freshly post-9/11 America accusing someone of “palling around with terrorists” when the well-documented facts state otherwise is reprehensible. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think they are willing to sink this low. McCain/Palin rallies sound like Klan rallies as they whip the lunatic fringe of the right wing into a hate-filled frenzy.

When Obama becomes President what happens when one of these idiots decides to assassinate this man because fucking moronic Sarah Palin has convinced them he is a terrorist? Do you think John McCain and Sarah Palin could sleep at night without feeling remorse if that were to happen? I don’t know the answer, but I sure as hell could not live with myself if I was to sink as low as they have. How can they treat a fellow AMERICAN and a FATHER of two young children like this? They should be ashamed of themselves.

They are playing a desperate and dangerous game and I have lost ALL respect for John McCain. I never had any respect for Sarah Palin so it’s business as usual when it comes to her. How can this man who suffered in a cage for 4 years in the name of America be willing to SHIT all over everything America stands for? Not the most Christian way to carry yourself is it John and Sarah? Do you think Jesus would approve of such loose morals?

Let’s not forget that Sarah pals around with, and her husband belongs to, the Alaskan Independence Party, an organization whose founder said…

“the fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government, and I won’t be buried under their damn flag.”

Does this sound like the kind of person we want in the white house?

Hey Pizza Hut, leave my pizza alone and stop forcing cheese into every hole you can find! And while you’re at it stop trying to convince me your “Tuscani Pastas” are going to fool me into thinking they don’t taste like ass.

Much like the toothbrush, pizza has been figured out and needs no further innovations. The only option Pizza Hut has left is to make the delivery box out of cheese because god knows Americans need more cheese for their fat cheese holes. I’m also kind of waiting for “The Extreme 180 Pizza” which would simply be a pizza delivered upside down. The commercial would feature skateboarding punks taking a break from thrashing and being rad to take “Pizza Hut’s Extreme 180 Pizza Challenge.” They would encourage each other by yelling things like “bitchin” or “hell yeah, eat the shit out of that mother fucker you mother fucker” or simply “FUCK!”

The Onion has a good idea for the Hut too.

A friend of mine made me aware of this ass-munching, shit-for-brains, redneck today and I almost wish he hadn’t. This idiot, Mark Ciptak (pronounced Shit-Pack or possibly Shit-Tank), went behind his wife’s back and named his baby daughter “Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak” in order to “take one for the cause.” Sorry asshole, it was actually your poor kid who took one for the cause don’t you think? America, please say hello to Joe fucking Six Pack! I wonder what Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak will use as her stripper name in 18 years? Probably “Crystal” or “Cheyenne” like the rest of them.

Here’s what my friend said in his email, I thought it was funny…

“Way to go dipshit… maybe you can name your next kid “My Dad’s a Selfish Moron Who doesn’t Think About Anything Beyond the Next 2 Weeks Ciptak”… that is the next kid he has with his next wife. Make the most of your weekend visits with lil’ Sarah McCain Palin, fuckface.

There you can pretty much just cut and paste most of the above on your blog. Thanks for the credit… I guess i just made your list… sorta”

OK, get it out of your system… call me gay, blah blah blah. OK, feel better now?

There are exactly 2 fake boobs that I like and they reside on Brooke Burke (NSFW – Nudity). Why do I forgive Brooke Burke and her plastic boobs? Because they kind of look real and I just do!

It’s weird to me that there is an entire generation of males who probably don’t know what a real tit looks like thanks to all the perfect round orbs all over the internet. Maybe – MAYBE – these silly things look good in clothes but once they are released into the wild it looks like these girls have Tupperwear glued to their chests. It’s hard to look boobs in the eye when you got one nipple looking over here and another pointing down at the floor. Makes you want to snap your fingers and say, “Hey, over here, pay attention please.”

OK, let’s assume you like the way they look in clothes and you don’t mind the scars and attention deficit nipples, at the very least you have to hate the way they feel. The best part of boob honking is the inherent soft, squishy nature of a real breast. A fake breast on the other hand can actually injure your hand, I have seen it happen!

Stop ruining your boobies girls!

This slider puzzle is supposed to say “I ‘heart’ Jesus” and it’s intended to be solved by children. I spent 45 minutes trying to solve it and the best I could come up with was “I (shapes) Jesus.” That’s when I threw it against the wall and destroyed it. How you like me now, puzzle? FUCK YOU!

I hate myself.